"Now let's go to Joe from Manhattan, Joe you're on the FAN"

Costanza!!!!!

Counterpoint:

It was only offensive because the postgame spread was made up entirely of asparagus

Maybe you shouldn't have a stupid swimming pool in a baseball stadium, Diamondbacks. You brought this on yourself.

Sure, it's bad, but the person that you should really have sympathy for is his doppelgänger from another dimension, Rashad Finger.

Just the tip, to see how it feels.

Why weren't Brandon Phillips' buttocks there to prevent this tragedy?

Oh, I was confused by your "most of" then, seeing as how there was only one NFC East Super Bowl champ from 2000-2009.

Ah, yes, Eagles fans go by NFC east championships. The Cowboy, Giant and Redtail fans historically have loftier standards.

Leafs fans can be forgiven if they get a little turned on by the victories here. After all, it'd be the closest they've gotten to semis in almost a decade.

Preseason hockey might not count for anything

It's Jim Harbaugh. Guy's an asshole.

If we're doing requests, play Battery!

In that part of Murriland? Not as likely as you would hope.

The term "Cowboys" is offensive to proud ranchers everywhere!

Tangentially related: HERE COMES THE PIZZA

Consider: Christian Ponder is the best quarterback in a football uniform in that stadium today.

"Star Struck" urine collectors. Or as R Kelly likes to call them, "dates."