CHERUBIC CONCUBINE TWAT LORD

Hail Satan = Fuck Christ?

I want to punch this guy in the face the right way.

I will be opening a pizza joint named "Sbaceous Piecharts" - please remit your address so I can send you a 10% finders fee.

Scepter > fancy walking stick. Gotcha.

Guys guys guys, no need to argue. We can all agree that the Phillies and the Cubs both suck and torture their fans into being subhuman cyphers with no morals or souls. It's okay.

I assume Taoufik Makhloufi is just DeSean Jackson in Algerian.

As a man with a fat stomach but really nice legs, this is the first fashion trend I have enjoyed in a long time.

**Ask Jeeves

#15 and #25 could be combined into one entry, right?

It all comes down to Cano is signed at ridiculous money for the next 10 years and Pedroia isn't. Would you rather pay Pedroia at 37 $12 million or Cano $24 at 38, 39, 40, and 41? Plus, do you want to pay Cano to play 3b or DH for those years? Oh, and .220 was arbitrary. Do you really think Cano is going to post 125…

Shortstops tend to age well and play late into their careers (Jeter, Ozzie, Vizquel). Second basemen do not age well. Sandberg, the aforementioned Alomar, Whitaker, all done by 36-37. The defensive spectrum exists for a reason and second base is further down. What you are saying is that he is suddenly going to…

Two words: Roberto Alomar. Had amazing MVP type years at 31 and 33 and then was absolutely done at 36. This kind of aging pattern happens more often than not. Unless Cano has biogenesis on speed dial, look for 4 or 5 dead years on that contract.

I worked in a record store when the first Now came out. Kids don't even know what that is anymore.

Five years left? So does Cano, yet the Mariners will be paying him for 10.

Silly rabbit...

So an asshole has cancer of the asshole, shocking.

He could stay until halftime. Duh.

Rich old white racist says racist things. Hardly shocking and barely newsworthy. He makes Marge Schott look like Marge Simpson.

So classic it was made into one of the most incredible baseball cards of all time: