I don’t even have a savings account at this point. I suspect we are not talking to Jezzies who are in the same boat we are in. $20K would do me a world of good right about now.

So she believes in free rent for herself, but charges rent to others (even though she “doesn’t need the money”)

Does twenty thousand dollars count as a trust fund?

That’s ridiculous. I can’t believe you would say this.

Because even though it’s nobody’s business, it’s her right to clarify. She doesn’t have to explain herself to anyone.

Lemme take a #SELFIE

Sadface. Where will I purchase my $11,000 stuffed giraffe?

It’s a metaphor for Mitt Romney’s whole life: it's been set up in his favor from day one, and yet he still doesn't do much with it.

It’s an upgrade in opponent for Evander, as Romney will just talk your ear off.

A GOPer is trying to keep the black man down while exercising his right to bear arms. What’s so fishy about that?

Franz Ferdinand ?

My grandfather still does the “Tool Time” grunt—I wonder how many people do that at him?

I have two: One happened to me and was horrifying, one happened to a friend and is hilarious.

Ellen Page. I met her at club in Culver in 2009. I had a black eye and she asked me how I got it. I told her I ran into a stop sign and she goes: “You’re supposed to stop at those.”

this really isn’t a story about a celebrity being a dick but just giving the best self-effacing put down ever. I was shooting something for mtv with Joe strummer just before he died and we wrapped and were all drinking at Niagara at the end of the night. Jim Jarmusch came by to hang out with Joe Strummer out of the…

LOL! I’m picturing:

She’s also a scientologist, so.

I’m already a bit drunk so I love the brevity of your tale. xo Mitch Connor.

Harrison Ford once refused to give me candy on Halloween. Probably entirely justifiable that he wouldn’t be down to open his door and talk to a zillion random people trick-or-treating, but at as a 9 year old I took it pretty hard.