While my only stint in jail was 4 hours for jaywalking at Myrtle Beach (seriously, but that's another story), my cousin was a prison guard for a while and told me a few things.

1990 13 years old: Heard the shower go on upstairs so I thought I was safe. I didn't hear or see my dad coming down the stairs as I was reclined in a chair furiously masturbating to Elizabeth Montgomery on a re-run of "Bewitched". My dad cleared his throat, went to the laundry room to retrieve a towel as I zipped up,…

Word of caution to all of you new parents out there: it's exhausting having a newborn in the house, and you have zero privacy piled onto your sleep deprivation.

The answer is always yes.

"'How could I have married someone who's so bad with money?' 'Why did I marry someone who I can't rely on to attend family functions with me?' 'What possessed me to marry someone who is a habitual nose-picker?!?'"

Because this post shouldn't run without this virtuoso bit from last night's LWT:

Well, it was a one-night thing as in I left right afterwards and didn't plan on seeing him again. I actually gave him the cold shoulder for a few months, dated some other people, then came 'round back to him.

Spoiler Alert: You are in Paris.

Looks like the Brazilian team to me

What's your greatest weakness?

I wonder if she noticed that her branded mobile-phone store across the street from Barclays was out of business. I can only hope somebody pointed and went "HA-HA!"

Well someone needs a hug.

Oh yay, it's today's mandatory article about men being assholes in every form of media and women being victims in everything.

Mine is older and my plan costs $120 per year. :) I am also old.

need a hug, chuckles?

Look, in all honesty, this is a stupid story.

I promise not to write an excel spreadsheet of all the times you didn't give me the sexin' I want and send it to your work email.

All women are beautiful...

Just don't require it. Not much makes my workplace more miserable than mandatory participation in 'activities' intended to liven up the mood. Great.. you're trying.. but making people do something they'd rather not even if it's intended to be fun doesn't make for a happier workplace.