How many people who tweet with clapping hands emoji after every word to drive home their point actually do that in real life?

UNSEE.

“This comment has been put...ON ICE!”

I can’t believe how big tonight’s going to be!

Kind of awkward that both of them came out and did my favorite song twice, “Medley of Hits.”

I don’t exactly have a dog in this fight, as I think all involved are fairly indestructible, and Schwimmer’s misfire will move into the ether in a few days.

Don’t trip on your virtuous balls.

There you go, bringing class into it again.

There are few hard and fast truths in this life, but one is that whenever a Kinja site posts literally any headline about somebody of note commenting on race, gender, or orientation, it will be a butthole-puckerer.

I truly hope that if Sanders and Warren are two of the last three left standing, this isn’t considered the tiebreaker.

I get the ScarJo reference. Not really sure why nominations for other roles annoys you?

Relax, Paul. I didn't endorse everything he said or did, just that amid all the criticism of him and his style, he does manage from time to time to feature a good interview. 

A lone voice meekly offers support of Maher:

“’Standby?’ If I stand, then it’s bye-bye! AHohohoho”

No dog in this fight, but was there anything wrong with Kimmel? He did fine.

DaFuck?

God, I hope one entire episode is about this:

If I've said it once, I've screamed it a thousand times, mostly in public places: Jimmy shut the FUCK UP

Ooh ooh...can I open this present early?

Friggin’ Parker.