As a Pats fan, I’m always lukewarm going into the season, as I know it’s probably a joyless slog to February, with maybe two actual enjoyable games to watch during the next five months.

Can we talk about how Thriller lost Best Video to You Might Think? That's at least another article.

Well, she made a mistake, so let's ball her up and throw her in the fucking trash.. That's where imperfect humans belong, right?

In future news, there was an all-out brawl between the Phillies and Cubs when Chicago's starter threw a head shot at Harper for, I dunno, enjoying it...or something.

“Higashioka! The Home Run Stroka! And he’s getting higgy with it!”

Oh. My. God. Make it stop.

My favorite memory of MoviePass: checking its internal listings to see what movies were playing. You’d pick a movie, but you can’t check in because you have to actually be at the theater. So you drive to the theater, open your app again, and the listing is gone - “No more showings today.” MoviePass is the fucking…

Which means it'll be one of the biggest series of the year and utterly forgettable.

“News.”

Alabama Republican Thinks There’s Entirely Too Much Gay Sex and ‘Wife Swapping’ on TV

T

T

This is the kind of medium-well nothingburger that puts food on the table for all of Kinja’s staff writers for the next six weeks.

I saw it with my folks. My mom sat between my dad and I and literally dug her nails into our legs during the last twenty minutes.

He’s really just there to talk about “Rampart.”

“AV Club dislikes mainstream movie.”

I’m not a religious man, but I pray for a day that is as quiet, relaxed, and chill as it apparently was in the Splinter offices today.

I’m sorry, but why are you still handing them like they’re ladies? They’re not listening, they’re hitting the guards, they’re resisting...I mean, put your weight behind it and haul ‘em out.

But is it supposed to be the “actor” playing Pete, or the character from the movie?