"I feel like I'm going to smash this in your face," replied a muscle-y guy in a green polo.

We should only applaud chicks who score high on the wonderlick.

Obviously she needs to lower his defenses and get him in the mood. It's also likely she has a negative self-image. High school is a very trying time emotionally for many young women who may or may not be of the age of consent.

"I'm Officer Gofuck Yoself and I'll fucking kill you."

Sure is. Probably didn't go too far, just spooked cuz he's getting splashed with water, I'd run too.

I love those dogs. I'm pretty sure the car would've bounced off and crashed into a telephone pole.

Your dad's pretty good at math too, huh?

I haven't watched a halftime show in years if maybe even ever. Weird Al would change that. Alas, he probably doesn't have the mass appeal, but he should dammit. As far as their short list, I guess I'd like to see Katy Perry. I think she's actually pretty cool and would enjoy one of those wardrobe malfunction thingies.…

I'm pretty sure that dude already knows how to get the cow into the car. Hell, she probably even drives. The couch? They should strap it to the roof.

Ben:

Wisconsin? C'mon, I'm just busting the guys chops, don't shoot!

He was still holding the Jameson's so he couldn't a been too drunk yet. I wanna find the video from later on that night where Drunk Mario throws a barrel at his boy when he's climbing the ladder.

Those two girls in daisy dukes are like 14 you creep.

Ranch dressing.

Lol at the black guy with the Rottweiler leashed to the sawhorse and thinks it a done deal.

They should cast him as Alfred E. Neumann in the live action version of MAD Magazine.

It's a stamp from the shitty club he went to last night. Also it looks like he's weeping. A thumbs-up for his teammates and a fuck you to the other guys to give the impression he's not really crying.

I missed that one and I sorta halfassed looked for it. Thanks for clearing that up, I still like to bitch about that Nelson kid, so thanks for the platform.

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Rutgers you mean? That happened in my hometown and it wasn't a sucker punch by Nelson, the QB for Rutgers. The dude was sucker punched by one of Nelson's buddies, fell down, then Nelson kicked Kolstad in the head twice while he was presumably unconscious. Kolstad is actually able to walk on his own and can speak, but…