There is no such thing as Bad Winter when you have a sheepdog.

The Disney Princess you are most like is... Eeyore.

Mine lose their shit over doorbells on TV. I say, “Guys! That sounds nothing like our doorbell. What the hell?” But do they listen? They do not.

We liked to refer to the doorbell as the “dogbell.” Half the time, you didn’t need to ring it because the dog would start barking as soon as you walked up the steps.

Same.

I’m old enough to remember these. At the time (late 60s when I was a little kid) they seemed perfectly normal. Natural trees were old-fashioned and messy; aluminum and plastic were the future. I can still remember putting ours together with my dad. The branches were all color-coded so you knew where they fit into the…

My dog would lose his shit over a doorbell on the tv, and I didn’t even have one. I would tell visitors to call me when they arrived so I could go out and let them in, I didn’t want them buzzing me on the intercom and make his head explode.

My dog passed away two years ago at 14 and still lost her shit every time she heard the doorbell. 

Growing up, my dog lost her shit every week while my parents watched Murphy Brown, because she thought the ding of the elevator in the newsroom was our doorbell. My current dogs lose their shit on the regular— the 13 year old is mostly deaf now, which has cut down on the spontaneous barking at every little outside…

Dogs losing their shit is basically the default setting. 

In my adulthood I have tried to keep fresh toothbrushes around the house in case of unexpected overnight visitors -- just a nice thing to offer. Now I’m thinking I haven’t been going far enough.

First step: cut a hole in a box.

The theme is obviously nuclear winter treepocalypse. 

It’s only unskilled labor if you’re bad at it...

While the finding part may be true, working a high-pressure, long-hours job in a major city really is a strain on any relationship. If both people are in those jobs then they have to agree on and be okay with the fact that they’re simply not going to see much of each other. Coming out of grad school I passed on…

Surely forms of torture like this are banned under the Geneva Convention?

Hopefully the turnout will look something like this

My biggest disappointment about Trump’s funeral is that he’ll be too dead to know how sparsely attended it was compared to his predecessors.

I’m not one to talk, but oof, he is so fat. He literally is the human metaphor of everything wrong with America.

I mean, I’m willing to help out with his funeral today, if that’s what he really wants.*