Figured we'd have at least one dude posting a "I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!" gif by now.

A friend and I created a Tyrone Hill parody account and aggressively messed with Charles Oakley for a few weeks till he blocked us. He never responded to anything, but one day we went to send a tweet and blocked.

A friend of mine has a book of poetry coming out, so I'm going easier on this stance. But, for real, dude was lucky I didn't get super Mexicano on him. I think I handled it well, though I did smash a lamp seconds after finding out. On the plus side I kept the dog, and he's now a instagram superstardog.

That's what I said. Honestly, I would have kicked the shit out of the dude if I didn't think it would have been called a hate crime. Because it would, because god do I hate people who call themselves poets.

He was a dude who wrote "renaissance era poetry" or as I called it "shut the fuck up with that noise." Dude actually worked at a bar, the bar owner and I were bros.

Got home from a meeting, opened my laptop, saw a message on FB clicked over to check it, failed to notice it was her account, not mine, saw a message from a dude saying "Are you on your way over?"

Grantland, but without Simmons, and 40% less white bro writers. So in other words Deadspin.

Will Gordon loves life and tolerates dissent. He lives in Cambridge, Mass., and has visited all of the other New England states, including, come to think of it, Vermont. He has avoided visiting Texas out of fear of the Shiner enthusiasts. Find him on Twitter@WillGordonAgain.

Nsh, this was all shame.

In high school my parents were out of town a lot and my house was sort of the open party place for my friends. Well one evening the girl I was seeing came over and we got into the hot tub to get all sexy with each other.

Here's the problem, the hot tub backs up directly to a window and my friends had said they weren't…

Yeah, I started high school at 12 as well, and it wasn't that bad. When I moved from middle of nowhere Texas, to Dallas, my parents had me drop back down a grade out of worry that big city life, and high school life would be too much to handle.

I feel like Ford Mustangs got short changed.

I really almost respect the balls it takes to pull things like that.

I have a friend who used to get the exact same stock message from a guy once every 6 months, on various sites. She always responded with "David, we know each other, I dated one of your friends, we've been at parties together, this is now the (insert number of times he'd sent the message) you've sent this message to…

"Ugh, as if!"

Do we still give plus ones? Can I give a + red stripe & + white stripe?

God, I was at the show from that photo. Charles Barkley was drunk as hell, and told Dallas he loved it, then The Boss & not Tom Morello did a jump ball, and the band covered Van Halen's "Jump" one of the best an weirdest night's of my life.

She's not lying, we follow each other on tumblr, and her fanfic is the greatest Jezebel fanfic of all.

Back, and to the right.