I know it’s wrong, but watching women with tons of eye makeup and long claw nails try to wipe away tears without going full raccoon or putting an eye out always makes me snicker.

I overheard a couple girls do something similar when I was lifeguarding.

This makes me so sad. That poor kid, you got his hopes up he had a friend and then shit all over him. Some kids are awful. I’m glad you’re nice now.

This is fucked.

Obligatory response right back to them:

That is my favorite argument I keep hearing: the intolerant left. Like somehow we are the bad guys for creating some sort of consequence to horrible action.

All of these emails really reinforce my belief that there were three types of Trump voters. 1) The “fuck you” vote, which encompasses the anti-PC sentiments, the “blow up the system” sentiments, and the “he’s not a politician” sentiments. Basically, people who felt, for various reasons, that the system either wasn’t…

1. Give a bunch of right wing greedwhore theocrats full power.

Ah, the old “How dare you not tolerate my intolerance!” chestnut.

I voted for him because I felt that he would do an absolutely terrible job and would alienate the republican base so badly that it had no choice but to face facts and accept that conservative economic models do not help them.

Had Elizabeth run I could have cast a vote for a nationalist, a populist, a thoughtful and honorable person who carries with her no sense of superiority or pretension. She is noble in her actions and usually in her words. Hell, she wrote a personal finance book that is still working its way through my mind.

Also, this:

Is she only famous for marrying Alec, or was she “famous” before that? Does she contribute anything to the world besides talking about being knocked up all the time and doing yoga?

But remember that these are the same people who say things like “The police won’t pull you over/investigate you if you don’t do anything wrong” every time a black person complains about racial profiling or, you know, getting fucking shot or something.

A lot of eye creams have specifically formulated SPF in them that you can use around your eyes. For example:

Remember when Trump was criticizing Obama for playing golf so much?

I don’t know if Skyfall is better (it’s close), but it is, at the very least, a good movie. Craig, Dame Judi, Ralph Fiennes, Javier Bardem, Naomie Harris, and Albert Finney—what could possibly be wrong in any of that?

*Leans into the mic*

“...and friendships require mutual respect.” And Netanyahu has been exceedingly disrespectful to this administration for eight years. He’s a scumbag murderer who doesn’t want peace. He thinks financial aid will increase with Trump “no nation building” in office? What a maroon.