Maybe it needed more fat-suit drag.

Real talk: I would totally be a part of a cult if Jon Hamm was the leader.

Holy Gander. I just this second realized his last name is Baby Geese.

The Jennifer Lawrence I see in interviews I feel wouldn’t need to be asked to apply the cunt punch. I’m thinking she would just walk up to someone, fake a swing to the head while saying “Think fast!” then swing low instead and hit someone in the crotch and say “POW, right in the pussy!” as she walks away.

This is a great one-sentence biography. I’m going to live my life now by the standard it has set.

“And tonight we’ll be preparing a lovely Nope soup, followed by a salad with Hearts of Nope. For an entree we’re cooking up a juicy, rare Cote de Nope with Scalloped Nopes and freshly steamed French Nopes. And for dessert, Macaroons. Just kidding. It’s Nope cupcakes”

I think the real tragedy here is that we will be subjected to another 72 episodes of ‘Big Bang Theory’.

Having sex with GOOP would be like fucking a frozen cricket. No thanky.

You’re the bomb! Tap is sooooo hard!!!

“Kind of a jerk, but not to me.” Dated one of these. If someone isn’t kindhearted, you won’t be the only special person to avoid it. Sorry to be a negative Nancy!!!

I vacuumed.

I was spontaneously nice to a work associate that I really don’t like. And I was pretty excited that I did that because I was less stuck in old thinking and more feeling generous of spirit and positive.

My son is graduating HS. Not really my own accomplishment, but I feel so proud of him. He has gotten 4 scholarships to regional universities (and 3 scholarships for universities where I just cannot accept. Hawaii? California?! Where the fuck even is Northwestern?!?!?!) I feel like, in our own personal situation, this…

I officially qualified to have the GRE waived for admission to a grad program I'm interested in. I feel very good about being accepted to the program, so this new mom is on her way to getting a FREE masters, thanks to my newish university job. *raises roof*

So I’ve been frustrated at work because of one idiot. He basically ruins the atmosphere and talks shit about coworkers and just creates this toxic environment. And he’s totally delusional and has zero sense of how people actually regard him. And I’ve had to work with him closely for the past 3 weeks and am just SO…

We have a service like that in my city! I’ve been getting my groceries delivered once a week for about 2 years now, and it is a GAME CHANGER! I have lupus, so I totally feel you with the chronic fatigue. Working all week and then spending hours every weekend grocery shopping? I HATED it. Getting fresh, local, organic…

EMILY STOP BEING SUCH A CAT AND GO GET BURGERS

She was on “Hanging with Mr. Cooper”, I think? But she was no Holly Robinson Peete, if you know what I mean. (I don't know what I mean)

I think for an increasing number of people (or maybe they’re just more willing to own up to it), parenting is something they enjoy having done, rather than something they enjoy doing. Also, I think that the most rewarding moments of parenting (and family life, generally) are typically the ones that other people aren’t…