Well, I do okay. Thanks!

This will sound mean (because it is), but I can believe she slurs and giggles incoherently just as often sober as plastered. Everything I’ve read and heard about her strongly suggests her IQ could be measured in fractions and still peak well south of her normal body temperature.

Mavel Tov, Mark and Allen! I hope you make your life together a great adventure! You’ve already scored a victory against the forces of evil; not a bad start at all.

Good for him. Spite is seriously underrated among decent people; I’m a huge fan of it myself.

She’ll die alone.

Awfully specific. I have a pretty strong hunch you’re willing to do that, regardless of whether your demand is met.

She wants a political office; sane people don’t involve themselves in politics anymore.

They have female girls now?!?

Tom Brady is an idiot.

They should also stop endlessly fucking about with Kinja’s formatting and features. Seriously guys, this is getting beyond ridiculous now.

I have no idea who the hell this chump is. And now, I will never have to. He’s done.

This is why our impending President Trump is going to have you, and all the people like you, deported. Only Winners are allowed in the new Trumptopia (that’s what we’ll be calling the former United States); wheelers, dealers, people who are so good at things it’d make your head spin. It’s gonna be a Billionaires-Only…

You’re quite wise to agree with me.

At least she seems to be recognizably human and alive; not merely programmed to mimic those traits, like Alba.

Here’s a little secret; literally any asshole on this planet can make a billion dollars, without ever having to develop talent, a work ethic, or even a functional personality.

Jessica Alba is empty; that’s why she doesn’t appeal to me. Guys who are into her keep Spencer’s Gifts in business. Behind those eyes, there’s absolutely nothing. She’s as much a soulless, useless product as the crap she’s been selling.

You are not alone; he is a failed clone of Ryan Seacrest. He’s Bizzaro-Crest.

I’m a man, and I never got her appeal. I have long since accepted that I’m in the minority on this, as many men seem to consider her some all-encompassing feminine ideal. But, I never got it; she’s dull, she has no talents, abilities or personality and now she’s evidently a failed snake oil salesperson to boot. She…

Honey, I’ve been to both. They’re spot-on.

Book smarts ain’t all smarts.