Well, it does give students a convenient place to dispose of all their rotten eggs and tomatoes.

Please don’t; everybody you send an e-mail to will hate you. You’ll become “the blessed guy.” Nobody likes that guy.

On fucking Jezebel, no less!

Zach Braff sincerely believes he’s this generation’s Woody Allen, when in real life he’s a DUI away from Celebrity Chopped. How long did he breastfeed, anyway; thirteen, fourteen? He’ll be the first actor to commit suicide by self-administered wedgie. Or he’ll marry Lena Dunham, they’ll buy kids from Malawi and teach…

I’ll get straight to work on it!

I’m thinking of opening an Etsy shop selling tiny clutches that are just for storing gerunds. The only snag I’ve run into is that they don’t corporeally exist.

Ah, don’t worry about it; just stick ‘em in a drawer somewhere until you need one.

I’m not at all sure what I just saw... but I have to say, it looks like fun!

Let him have it; just rip the fuck into him like a shark on a dead whale’s ass.

ETA: obviously Matt Damon has committed another, more serious crime here, and that is mansplaining/whitespaining (whitemansplaining?).

Hey, it’s a more honest gig than running a megachurch.

No, I was commenting on your batting that holy roller around like a cat playing with its breakfast. You’re absolutely right; they’ve had their day, they’ve had their fun at the expense of the entire world and they’ve certainly had more than their fair share of the wealth.

Nice one, Dad!

Go wash your hands.

Game, set, match.

Point: Sherwood2.

Point: NonServiam.

Goddammit.