This is just the impetus I need to assemble a “gritty, Nolan-esque reboot” version of that costume for next Halloween. Extremely muted colors! Pointless, New 52-style piping and plating everywhere! Over-textured pleather with airbrushed musculature! Ludicrously impractical thigh-pouches! A codpiece I’ll need a CDL to…

Power and money, money and power; he’d suck your dick if that were the only option left to attain them.

That would be a tough get, with Bob Culp being dead and all.

I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am by this development; it means we’re just a couple short years away from seeing Mark Wahlberg headlining CBS’s next great procedural drama: Blue Bloods: L.A., in which Wahlberg plays a brooding, troubled cop from South Boston, adjusting to crime-fighting on the sunny streets…

He most likely does not actually want to be President; but his venal, reptilian daddy wants to make the Presidency the Bush family business, and for all their cannibalistic spawn to follow in his cloven hoof-prints.

This is a giant wealthy company that you’ve heard of, that could easily afford to give its employees paid leave and just doesn’t. Disgusting.

I’d really like to see this become a thing used in theaters. I love movie posters, always have -even in this day and age when I find so little inspiration in their composition- but imagine strolling through a cineplex lobby and feasting your eyes on lightboxes displaying movie posters that move with animated images!

If your sloth only poops once a week, I’d recommend a visit to the vet.

The price of devoting one’s life to the service of evil: wealth and power without hindrance or accountability, yet its ravages upon the soul finally manifest in the flesh itself.

Not with that attitude, they won’t!

Just because I’m exhausted and still half-drunk from the party I just left, I’m gonna say a classic Star Trek uniform; never tried it in all my years.

True, but your presence at such an event in such a costume would be deemed highly illogical.

As the philosopher once said: “I would never join any club that would have me as a member.”

I’m sure he owes some money to some... legitimate businessmen, but he’s definitely the bitch in that relationship. He’s about as hard as mayonnaise.

In my experience, those who visibly loathe their jobs tend to ascend to higher positions that demand far less of them, so long as they’ve kissed the right asses at the right time. Those of us left in the trenches are then reminded on a nearly hourly basis how visibly loathed we are for supporting them while they take…

For years, I’ve been a vocal proponent of installing RFID chips in every person holding, serving and especially campaigning for a political office, so they can be tracked and monitored at all times with a free, easy-to-use smartphone app! With a simple tap, you get up-to-the-minute stats on your choice of hundreds of…

I’m sure he very much liked to think so while jackin’ it to The Sopranos when he was supposed to be working. Probably made the wife and kids call him “Tone” all the time, for months on end.

No, don’t go just yet! We need your positive energy to help animate the Statue of Liberty, so she can punt that fat bastard into the Hudson!

Honestly, I feel just slightly safer knowing the Presidency is within the grasp of rich, overfed Momma’s boys who just want free lunches and swish accommodations to laze about in, more so than the whack-job “true believers” whose only wish is to empty the silos and force their long-awaited Rapture on us all.

Chris Christie ain’t running anywhere.