Or medical experimentation!

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ on a Vespa, Jeb; just how many chins do you intend to have?

Ditch that zero and get yourself a hero!

And hopelessly impotent! Don’t forget hopelessly impotent!

Let’s all hope that Mr. Ebeneezer Bush will be visited this Christmas Eve by the ghosts of Christmases Past, Present and Future.

An overflowing wheelbarrow full of THIS.

Only stupid people will think that, and they were always going to anyway. The nice thing is, the stupid people in America are incredibly quick to step forward and self-identify. Get a pen and paper, take down the list. Then start a MoveOn.Org petition to have blatantly stupid people removed from positions of power and…

Thank you. And is it just me, or did the marching look more like a toddler’s foot-stomping tantrum?

I really hate to disillusion you... but one of the Winslow daughters got hooked on drugs and vanished into the ether after a brief career in porn. I think one of the guys got booked for possession with intent.

I hope they sue him for the losses.

Just like 40% of their current Presidential hopefuls.

I’m beginning to understand why people always refuse my omelets.

Stories like this always remind me of the scene from The People vs. Larry Flynt, where Woody Harrelson and Courtney Love are leaving Georgia after the attempt on his life that left him paralyzed (spoilers for a movie from 1996, based on shit that famously occurred decades prior), and says:

Soylent Green is pretty good.

Yes, but when does the pool get cleaned?!?

The New York Daily News reports that Iscenko has been suspended, but not arrested, after being accused of tossing his bodily fluids onto a woman who he wanted to shower with romantic attention.

Well, in his defense, that would make him look super guilty.

Want, take, have.

There is only one possible reason, and it’s a stupid one: the pretense of moral superiority assumed by politicians who want to appear “tough on crime” by continuing to fight the long-lost War On Drugs. Of course, even a glance in the general direction of this stance reveals it to be a fraud on its face but, as I said,…

I could see him being a hermaphrodite. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!