Terrapin Liquid Bliss Peanut Butter Porter. I wasn’t convinced at first, but now it’s a weekend treat for me. One of these days I want to pair it with a Ciroc Jell-O shot.

The important thing is they believe they’re having fun. Because they’re all fucked up on coke and molly. At least two of them probably believe they are Christ.

Those kinds of parties are for the children, in the same way child beauty pageants are for the children.

So, Ed Sheeran is now Ginger Sgt. Pepper? That’s nice.

Agreed; the only thing bigots, homophobes and zealots of any stripe truly hold holy... is money. Threaten that, and some might just reconsider their backward ways. The rest will just try harder to hide what awful people they are for the sake of maintaining their business.

Now I’d gladly watch that show!

The irony is, he’ll probably die from some heinous chemical in the glue securing that shitful toupee, or the bronzer he apparently bathes in when he’s not taping.

It’s not like you have to worry too much about customer complaints. Just screen your calls for a few weeks, the problem solves itself.

Great, now Dr. Oz will do two straight weeks on the cure-all miracle of laughter, then three weeks on how laughing is slowly killing us all.

I’d swipe your clutching pearls, but I fear my fence may reveal they’re fake. He’s still skittish after that embarrassing chocolate Spanish doubloon incident.

I want a treatment and budget prospectus on my desk by Monday morning. I don’t care if it is a holiday.

American journos are soft on these targets intentionally; the entire news industry is still hanging by a slender thread of credibility, damaged for decades by their own sensationalist bungling, and the blinkered addiction to ratings that they were nearly put out to pasture by a comedian.

Allow me to present...

At last, the 21st century has a premiere philosopher!

Both if you’re Mike Huckabee. Why limit your forced groping, toilet stall quickies and gravy freebasing?

Fantastic!

That’s the stuff.

We can’t; Wegman’s doesn’t sell seatbelt extenders.

Well, I’ll never drink enough to un-see that shit.

Of course not; he’s not actually running for President. This is a cash-grab to cushion the fall when he’s finally deposed from NJ government.