Bullshit, mate; they have a real Aussie sheep-shearer grab him by his ankles, buzz him up and down and send him staggering back to the paddock with a hearty slap on the arse!

Oh, I’m good. Got a new job at a real company. He’s digging ditches now; couple months of that should tire out his inner puppy.

Indignation aside.... I FUCKIN’ WANT THAT LIVING ROOM SET!!!

I just left a dead-end job where, for about four months, I had to babysit a human puppy; one who honestly believes shouting “deez nuts, ha, got ‘im” to be not only the height of comedy but of all human endeavor. The experience rendered my soul to embers.

Just you watch; the first time he faces real, lasting repercussions for his myriad crimes, he’ll swear he’s being persecuted for exactly that reason.

I used to love a suprise Muppet, but nobody warms their hand first anymore.

You mean into the fucking ground, by rich, pampered incompetents, protected from the consequences of their fuckery by generations of nepotism and good ol’ American graft?

Much like the good people of Tokyo, come Godzilla season.

Oh please!

Ha! I didn’t even catch that!

But that’s how they built the suspense; you really got to know the captains of Jake’s Amity Boat Tours, and care about the danger they faced out on those waters!

Deadpool would readily argue that he does, in fact, have a four foot long dick.

You just know he’d work in the old never-ending hanky gag.

Yep. January 2014. I only got to ride it once, it was a life-long dream that I had wished to share with my girlfriend, who I wasn’t with then. God, it was great. Now it only lives on YouTube. And my backyard, when I hit the Powerball.

I will say, they’ve been remarkably magnanimous about the whole thing.

No kidding; they tore out my beloved JAWS ride to make room for that damn thing!

Heh; I once worked with a woman who was a huge HP fan, despite her insistence that it promotes witchcraft and is “of the devil.” She also once equated a date’s kissing technique with a Dementor, which I’m guessing is a not-good thing from the HP universe.

Me too; sadly, the only way I see that happening is after two or three generations of American Amazons ready and able from an early age to completely fuck up the shit of any man who crosses them. Ideally, some of them would have sons and raise them to see women in particular as people, equal and whole.

Imagine getting punched in the face so hard, your earlobes wiggle from the impact.

I say this as a man: I look forward to seeing a time when women have been raised to react to bullies and various shaming enthusiasts exactly as JK Rowling does; with their brains, their wit and loud, clear voices all sharpened to a scalpel’s edge of withering, pitiless and utterly victorious disdain.