THE GREAT ITSNOTTHEBEER LIKES ME?! REALLY LIKES ME?!

I "write" songs to my dog, that mostly just involve me working her or the concept of her into a song. Exhibit A:

"I am...dog parts. Dog fur. Dog farts." - Izzy's version of Hole
"Who dog, who dog, I-Z-Z-Y." - Izzy's version of Iggy A
"Don't let the days go by....Izzerine." Duh

Aww, thank you!

Yeah, I'm an old married/constant commenter. The two are not mutually exclusive!

Agreed

And we are all better from your presence Emma.

I do that in American. I am British. IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE?!?!

so I guess my strangest single behavior would have to be commenting on Jezebel all goddamn day long.

Everyone always feaks out when I tell them I can eat a whole pizza by myself no prob! Glad to know I am not the only one!

Kenny you forgot grapes in a liquid form.

I constantly write tuneless, rhymeless, little songs to myself and sing them aloud, but I do that at work too...so I guess my strangest single behavior would have to be commenting on Jezebel all goddamn day long. (I do THAT at work, too, but I'm more secretive about it.)

Always waxing my 'stache while watching Seinfeld.

Depends... .. ..... . are there grapes on the plate?

Talking to myself out loud in a British accent. I am not British.

This could mean taking your pants off to eat a beautifully arranged cheese plate,

My first boyfriend (after I had been independent and single for years) told me while we were cuddling once, "See? Isn't this better than being independent?"

what's wrong? there's the iPhone, iPad, iPod, and the iF U. get with the program, dogfacedboy.

I have an irrationally ragey reaction when people act like there isn't a proper form for an ellipsis. It's not just a random number of periods. The number you use doesn't change the meaning of the punctuation. It's twitter, there are character limits. Do not waste your fucking characters on unnecessary periods…

Well you dont sound happy.

Hey Chris Rock: if I proofread your tweets, will you promise to host the Oscars next year?