Can you imagine, looking at someone seductively, sucking the tip, then biting it in half?

I

Also, the mighty Cocksicle.

What's grossing me out is that I don't understand them structurally.

MILK. ICING.

Wow, so aggressive.

Again, it could be worse. These knock-off Kit-Kats, for example:

I so love being nauseated in the morning. Goddammit, Trout.

Testicle bites. That's just nuts!

I have noticed lately that a lot of content is repeated over the weekend...

Even if we solved all that ails society up to and including our lack of flying pigs, babies would still be abandoned. Probably in much lower numbers, but it will still happen.

If I stick a book in there with it, can I ship it media mail?

I love your thoughtful posts.

They need a teenager-sized box too.

baby boxes and hatches make abandoning a newborn too easy and fail to address the reasons that parents choose to abandon a baby

Clearly, the Dread Pirate Crunch is taking no prisoners.

Is this a new Jezebel thing? Two writers post the same story, and go head-to-head for clicks/comments?

I can't even pretend I understand what these questions mean, but I am going to assume they're important.

That is beautiful. Bless your mother. Bless your father. Bless you. This is perfect.

I was 8 years old when I went into my parent's bedroom one morning while my parents were still asleep and saw my Dad had a boner. I totally freaked out, woke my Mom up by dragging her out of the bed, and called 911 because I thought it was a chestburster from Aliens.