I am a big believer in pretending I did not see such things as stray hairs in food I am very excited to eat.

I like to imagine myself being Ryan Lizza. Like that call - how many of those are you going to get in your career? And you can’t be giddy or flabbergasted. You just have to hold it together somehow. That’s like journalist Christmas.

I’m starting to think he’s just a glob of Trump’s bronzer that achieved sentience.

Libel is written, slander is spoken. I always associate the S in slander with the S in speech.

We’ve been in charge, publically anyway, for ten millennia (on clay tablet), and the results have been — mixed — at best. Let’s give someone else a shot.

We need to ban all men until we figure out what’s going on

I’m glad you’re writing the third one. SwampFuckers 2: Revenge of the MotherCuckers was a real step down from the first.

“The swamp will not defeat him,” he said, breaking into the third person. “They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work.”

“Pegged correctly” is how he likes it.

Can you imagine how dead your soul must be- to read these reports, know the volume of suffering you are going to cause be it physical or financial, and then continue forward simply because you want to ensure that for the last 5-10 miserable years of your pathetic life you’ll get to continue being propped up by…

One more reason to avoid Texas.

Remind me — by how much are the Trumpeters planning to cu the budget for the CDC? 30%? 40%?

How about someone punch him in the dick?

I liked how Pod Save America put it: Mooch is what Trump THINKS he looks like when he looks in the mirror. It’s why he likes him.

Good to hear it. Get a load of your fellow Tricare user over here railing against taxpayer-funded government entitlements.

The Girl Scouts would not have taken this shit. He’d have been dragged off stage and Juliette Gordon Low would have risen from the grave to put a scouting boot right in Trump’s ass.

*watches video*

I’m convinced that the only reason we are not being ruled over by our Octopi overlords is because they are simply not interested.

Imagine what might happen in an alternate universe where there were no land vertebrates and these clever guys had a couple hundred million years to evolve.