My immediate thought was of Franz Ferdinand.

Since when is it illegal for a white guy to hit a Hispanic guy?

Let’s not be too hasty here. We still don’t know whether he takes his shoes off on airplanes.

Even 2016 isn’t trying to be 2016 anymore.

Dear People of New York City,

Isn’t every Kevin James sitcom a reboot of The Honeymooners?

I remember re-runs on Nick at Nite or something and not understanding why it was a big deal. It seemed like every other punchline (no pun intended) was him threatening to hit or kill his wife and then she rolled her eyes.

I’m waiting for Jack Dorsey to pull the trigger, waiting like a lion waits for an elderly and/or ailing wildebeest.

Let’s not forget that Ivanka vacationed with Putin’s paramour Wendi Deng in August.

In Soviet Russia you don’t gather around fire, fire gathers around you.

Yes! I’m proud of them for refusing to go along with this. They will probably still get purged, but I’m glad they’re like, “Fuck off, Orange. We know what you’re trying to do.”

The next President is Lisa Simpson. It has been foretold.

Woof. It’s too bad there weren’t people near by trying to warn people about this kind of thing!

Maybe if they were religious they would still be together and happy.

Satanists are the torch bearers of Western democratic liberalism in 2016.

2016 is when Satanists are the good guys.

Honestly the worst thing we could’ve done was label it way back in the day, ‘global warming.’ It gave all these word magicians the ability to convince regular people that it isn’t true, which is what they want to believe.

On the bright side: This means Putin isn’t getting daily briefings, either.

Good thing we didn’t elect the candidate who engages in “pay-for-play”.

small businesses around america say they need help to survive in an increasingly hostile business environment, but let me ask my small business owner friends this: why haven’t you injected your employees with steroids and forced them to battle each other on top of ladders while wearing thongs?