Barely related: My bf taught his cat how to open doors and it's ruining my life. There are few things worse than a cat clawing your leg during foreplay and then yowling and opening the door during sex.

looks like Kristin Steward

YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE NOT UNIVERSAL

Only eat lobster, ever! Lobster is the only real food, and you should have it every meal! Oh, you might be in the mood for a hamburger occasionally, or a salad, or even ice cream, but I don't like those things, and you shouldn't either! Only lobster! Never taste anything else, because they're not as good as…

My husband, not overly sentimental, says to me on Sunday "Aww, did you see that latest proposal video? It's cute."

Don't mind if I do!

I had a neighbor that had a "We don't call 911" sign in their yard with a picture of a handgun on it. I wondered if they shot out fires and shot heart attacks to make them stop. They also had a large sign about usurper Obama something, something...

One who has been properly housebroken.

What does crab water taste like, exactly?

Team Cat's spokesfeline just released an official statement:

Does anyone want to talk about the fact that Chris Harrison wrote (or "wrote") a romance novel? I'm curious, but not curious enough to spend any money on it.

My daughter's middle school had some epic rock bands and one year they had a girl win some pipes. They fucking OWNED "The Ocean." Physical Graffiti was never my favorite Zeppelin, but they convinced me.

AUTUMN FOR DICTATOR

Like my married-at-15 grandmother says: "people were older then."

When I was 17, I dated a 25 year-old, and I can now, looking back, confirm that it was indeed creepy, and not at all normal. *gavel*

ugh. do not STEP to my angel, Diane Rehm, and her tender voicebox.

Yeah, I read it and was wondering if there was a song called "Playboy" that I didn't know

Especially by the headline. Because according to this, it kind of sounds like that is exactly what she did.

"Lumping atheists together is like lumping people who don't smoke together."