In my experience all you need to do is know how to build ramps and get in close with a shotgun.  Also jumping around like an asshole the entire time.  I’m bad at this game.

I got my first job when I was 14 (12 hours a week bringing in carts and bagging groceries at a swanky supermarket), and then got more hours at McDonald’s and just worked there until the day I graduated high school. I worked the whole year round, not just the summer. I’m not shaming anybody or trying to be like “mah…

I bet Putin has one of those pink leashes ready to go for his visit to the USA!

I think you mean “diarrhea capsule”.

Some people in my office said NY style pizza is the best, but I’m pretty sure it’s just wet cardboard with toppings on it. I’m not even saying I have a counter argument, like saying Chicago or Neapolitan styles are better, but they think I’m a garbage person because I think NY style sucks.  Am I garbage?

When I was a kid, my very cool uncle Jack (RIP) had a ranch in the mountains near Colorado Springs. He essentially owned the entire mountain himself. He had cattle, a trout stream, a massive cabin-style house, horses to ride, it was fantastic. Unfortunately age, a smoking habit, and altitude conspired to make my Uncle…

Jemele Hill is listed twice....so that’s a thing.

I watched the World Cup regularly for the first time in my life on the Telemundo broadcast. There is no language better suited for calling a soccer match than Spanish.  I will gladly die on this hill.

A friend of mine is soft-opening his brewery very soon, and told me straight up he wouldn’t survive if he didn’t have at least 50% of his offerings be IPAs. I currently live in San Diego and it’s a haven (or in my case as an IPA hater, a hellscape) for beer drinkers who are into that kind of thing. I don’t find them…

The (English)Man Inside Me

I’ve had to start turning down invites from certain groups of people because they won’t shut the fuck up about their jobs and/or work drama when I’m around them.  The absolute last thing I want to hear about on a Saturday evening is anything work related.  I feel like politics are the same, even with people that you…

I pissed off my wife by secretly telling the DJ to play “The Touch” by Stan Bush during the garter removal thing at our wedding reception. My nerdy group of groomsmen and college buddies loved it, everyone else had no idea about the reference.

Slow your roll, you talkin’ Corn-Dog or Pronto Pup? They are vastly different for reasons my MN born wife can’t elucidate, but she will rage on anyone who confuses the two.  I know they are distinctly different booths!  The MN state fair is boss, can’t wait to go this year for the first time in a while.

I was lucky enough to be in attendance for Nolan Ryan’s 7th no-hitter against the Blue Jays in ‘91.  I was 6 years old and my dad took us.  Also, more recently, I saw Pujols’ 600th home run in person last year.  That’s two pretty solid historic baseball moments!

Hey Barry is raking in that Cordell & Cordell “Divorce Lawyers for Men!” radio advertising money now.

I’m a dude who shaves his pits because I have a large chest and arms, and often times shirts are a bit tight in that part of my body.  There is nothing worse than having sweaty tangled pit-hair under a tight shirt.  

Unfortunately you don’t have much course of action other than going nuclear and telling your father that any conversation veering into political territory will involve you cutting off communication and/or leaving whatever situation you may be in with him. My in-laws aren’t Trump supporters, but they are conservative…

If there is such a thing, she went to an (allegedly) well maintained and established center that’s been in operation since 2014.  She didn’t go to a re-purposed Wal-Mart OR one of those shiny new tent cities, where children are probably in much worse condition.  Rose colored glasses man.  Fuck you Melania.

I hate that this orange turd is doing “rallies” at all, but when he goes into my home state it makes me feel even more gross about it. Especially because there’s just enough people in the suburban areas of the Twin Cities who secretly think “Oh well doncha know it would probably be okay if we didn’t have so many of…

So long, and thanks for all the shit.