Hey, I'm kind of hungover today, but the good kind of hungover where my only symptoms are a mush brain and the giggles. I'm telling you this because "fart" is probably the funniest word ever, and a personal favorite. So, thank you for saying it several times :D

Also my fantasy football team is named Mystic Farts.

Also,…

it's a competition, there can be only one winner

I want a Shailene version of Goop.

How about ironically, like saying, "Teh gheys"? Asking for a hipster friend.

Treat people like humans first and foremost. Got it.

I love the blacks.

It's obviously a joke, but something being "a joke" doesn't mean it's not harmful.

I'll stop the world and melt with you/You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time/There's nothing you and I won't do/I'll stop the world and melt with you...om nom nom...om nom nomnom...

PUT THE PICTURES OF THE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES BACK. DO YOU THINK PHOTO RIGHTS GROW ON TREES, YOUNG LADY?

At least show an actual EastBurn grilled cheese and not a Denny's one. I don't know why that matters given the story, but I feel surprisingly strongly about it.

Yeah right. I am going to take the word of some random person on the internet over noted thespian Tara Reid.

I'm just dropping in to say that it's actually a bearricane that she is planning. I remember that from the announcement of the second Sharknado.

Except swans are maniacal bitches. Swanado would possibly be more terrifying than sharknado.

Sharksashiminado just doesn't quite have the same ring to it, though.

Yeah, no one will take away my smokey eye. But BLEND, people. BLEND. Do they not wonder what that spongey thing on the end is for? Not to mention that there are other lovely, dark, NOT BLACK colors.

I mean, I got no problem with some gorge smokey eyes (if it works with the rest of your style), and at least the Middletons have dark hair. But ugh, that thin stroke all the way around. I have a FB acquaintance from middle school who STILL does this. With red hair and snow-fair skin and everyday clothes. I just want…

Augh, the ring of black must die a death but some of these famous people refuse to let it fade into the 80s. See also, e.g., the Middleton sisters.

You're just saying that so no one will suspect the bearnado you're planning.

HOW. How can one person—who has presumably had multiple professional stylists—consistently have eye makeup this bad for so many years? With her it's ALWAYS pure black eyeliner aaaaaaaaall the way around, with nothing else popping. It baffles me. It doesn't go with her style, her skin tone, or her hair. It looks…

As a professor of science, I can confirm that, no, a sharknado can't happen.