Ha! I had a dude once suggest that I lose 20 pounds. I said, "Guess what, I am losing 180 in the next five minutes." I then told him to fuck right off.

He's lost her. He doesn't know it yet but he has. Game over dude.

I know there's a "happy ending" to all this, but this made me very sad:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

This is a beautiful piece of literature.

A windmill full of corpses!

Please, please, please can we see what happens when Glenn Beck sees any Glenn Beck card for the first time?

I once had the black card "This is how I maintain my current relationship status." My husband played "Stockholm Syndrome." He won.

Masturbating in to a pool of children's tears?

I think Glenn Beck would cry a few times over if he played. There's at least 3 cards about horrible (and well deserved) things happening to him.

Laaaance, you should've held it up to your crotch and made a joke about reuniting.

The Christmas packet this year came with a car WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.

he didn't lie about his testicle, though.

Making tasteless jokes in Apples to Apples is so much more fun and satisfying than making tasteless jokes in Cards Against Humanity. My best offensive Apples to Apples moment was "Touchy-feely: Helen Keller" but I bet a lot of you can top that!

Was it "not reciprocating oral sex"?

CAH true story:

more awkward would be Rush Limbaugh playing and getting the card that reads "Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body."

No, he should seriously be thankful he's not David Blaine. We all should be thankful we're not David Blaine. David Blaine kinda sucks.

He's half nuts. What's the problem?

Hilarious, Kevin Spacey is an awesome impressionist, that's where he started many years ago.