The Superbowl gets a lot more interesting if you have your next three child support checks riding on the outcome.

Hitchcock and Scully from “Brooklyn 99", before and after discovering hot wings.

Rob Ryan looks like if that cartoon mucus monster on the Mucinex commercials became human and discovered whiskey.

Because A) it’s kinda funny to mock a dude who lays on a massage table and open mouth kisses his kid when he asks to play video games and pretty not funny that a guy hits his kids balls with a switch and B) Since the original Peterson suspension he’s had one decent season and the remainder were completely forgettable,…

“Can confirm.”

You wanna be mad at him, and stay back, to make him earn your love and trust again, but you’re just so damned happy, and you giddily jump up and down screaming “Daddy!” Over and over again. And your dad says “Christ, son, you’re 35, stop calling me that. And put some fucking pants on. You’re why I left.”

That’s how long it took to find a pack of Kent IIIs, he said

You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

He’s Russian, 85% of his blood is vodka naturally.

The old stroke-a-dope.

Yeah, the police do that.

First they came for MSNBC and I did nothing because the libs deserved it.

I don’t believe it but would love to be proved wrong, and wouldn’t be surprised. Animals are bonkers. Our ex-backyard raccoon would viciously go after all the dogs in the neighborhood, but I’d allow her to chill on our windowsill and would blast the space heater on her during her winter visitation sessions. She NEVER w…

You never want to see a young man struggle in his career, but when that struggle makes LaVar Ball look like a horse’s ass, it really helps the medicine go down.

Terry Crews is a national treasure. 

He believes the bit about the smugglers and the duct tape because he believes it, and because he believes it now he will never stop believing it.

But wasn’t the whole point that Bundy was more than “vaguely likable?” that is how he was able to victimize so many woman, by getting them to trust him. 

She paid $233 WITH INSURANCE? I’m flabberghasted at how utterly FUCKED the system is at perceiving who is committing which crimes in this story!