The only time this has happened for me was when I was in fact cheating.  

He would shave but.....that. would. be. a. waste. of. time.

That’s great

Meanwhile, Eli just finished his second bottle of glue.

This fracking guy.  Seriously.  

Don’t sleep on his horseshit ‘I called TIME!’ routine he pulls after the pitcher is already in his wind up.  Fuck this guy.  Go crew.  

Yep.  

In his defense, Death first approached Virginia McCaskey, but she put a cigarette out in his eye and laughed at him.  Again.  

What are you talking about?  That pussy just ripped through that box and snatched her face.  Not much to unpack.  Vagina.  

I need this today.  Thank you

Its good it went in because exactly zero players were making any effort to rebound that ball if it didn’t.

You Lion man...

I love this so much.

Your name and this quote are the perfect marriage.

It is.

Nathan Peterman is Nathan Peterman

Thank you.  This is my visual gari.  

Two days before law school graduation jumped off a three foot ledge to try and do a 360 while holding a beer.  Tweaked knee horribly, beer bottle smashed and cut my chin deep which required 9 stitches.  Went to graduation on crutches looking like Frankenstein.  Oh, I was in about the 13th row so took me about 20…

I’m a Bears fan living in Milwaukee.  Go get them tiger.  

Cue Randy Marsh in 3....2.....1.......