No, but RIP feels better than Eat Shit. 

Not a terribly helpful suggestion if someone is buying not a Tesla.

Yeah but couldn’t you specifically just force choke them until you got the price you want?

I recommend my dad’s way of negotiation. Make a deal, say you gotta go home. Next day, ask for $1000 off the agreed price. Then make another excuse to go home again. Next day, ask for another $1000 off. Leave with another excuse. Come back the next day and the next until the dealer gives up. That’s your best price.

But David, you really need ALL of the rare manual shit-boxes from Colorado. These poor things will last forever out here in the nice, salt-free west. They need you to facillitate their final trip to the great rust pile in the sky.

So, basically the original approach to LaGuardia Airport (that they still use sometimes under certain circumstances)? :p

“Pilot voice” cracks me up lmao

+1 Cleveland Steamer. Seems legit.

They were clearly saying boo-urns.

Fixed! 

Tough to be an MLB pitching coach when you refuse to work with lefties.

Not that I’ve ever played sports that earned myself or anyone else money, but I have played sports. And I really don’t think that, once you’re on the field you’re thinking about the economics.

Luke-warm take: It’s ok to be annoyed if a guy refuses to shake your hand before the game.

I like Richard Sherman - I don’t think he’s asking too much to have a respectful handshake before the game. Why not?

Shocking that the owner of a sports team in 2019 with a racial slur for a nickname would do something shitty. To a white guy, I mean.

Snyder had to get it done before the sun came up and he was back in his coffin. 

“What was he thinking?”

No, the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. The punishment fits because it’s fitting both this crime and all the other incredibly dangerous similar crimes he’s gone out of his way to commit on the field over the past decade. You get one DUI, you get a year in jail. If it’s your sixth one, the judge isn’t going to be…

If he’d only knocked a woman unconscious instead, they’d have him back in a month at worst.

After 3 weeks, Melvin Gordon tired of being a Sans Dinero Charger.