I also like non sequiturs.

Hey Everyone! A white guy is here to not understand racial bullying while also claiming to be a victim of it!! How refreshing it is to hear from all the white voices on how racism isn’t a thing, except when it has to do with anyone saying anything negative about any white person ever, in which case it’s “who’s the…

Maybe you’re not “it”, then. Maybe you used to be it, but then they changed what ‘it’ was, and now what you are isn’t it. And what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to you?

I would imagine it probably goes something like this:

I saw a job listing the other day, for a job which in no way has anything whatsoever to do with social media or marketing, list as one of the requirements: “Must have an active social media presence”. Let THAT sink in for a moment...

Oh no! How can FOX, the multibillion dollar company with an army of lawyers on staff, defend itself from this one kid with maybe a handler or..something? Truly sticking up for the little guy, you are.

People interested in moving the goalposts so that he’s in the wrong, is who.

Why, it’s almost like space flight and interplanetary travel are incredibly complicated, expensive endeavors that you can’t exactly “kickstart” your way into, and may never be profitable on their own. If only there were some sort of organization, funded from public coffers, that could bring some of the best and…

• Don’t follow him to his tree, no matter what he offers you
  

I think it’s pretty obviously either that, or this douchebag happens to be a single-issue douchebag, with that single issue being “America should nuke Russia and anyone who denies that we should do so is a traitor”, and left because Fox has lately become less-anti-Russia ever since Supreme Commandant Bonespurs was…

Uh because “things seem hopeless so I guess I’ll just suicide into my enemy” is kind of a ridiculous, insane thing to think. There’s a reason why, in real life, we refer to people who do similar things as “heros”...

Parents: “The thing your grandparents gutted so that they could get a promotion and 10% raise”

I just wish we could get Tommy Olyphant to play against him again, you know? Though Donny McBride is doing a pretty decent job of doing so over on HBO’s Vice Principals... 

In my fairly limited experience, it’s the idea of jet skis that is fun. You picture yourself cruising effortlessly along on a smooth slip of water (except for the occasional wave, which of course, you picture yourself jumping), the envy of all of those losers in their boats.

I mean, he spent months on the run, constantly having to mommy or otherwise play therapist to his whiny, oh-so-conflicted best friend, all while getting next to no sleep because he had to keep on eye on that fucking Gollum. If self-sacrifice makes you a hero, I think it’s pretty undeniable that it’s SAM who’s the…

“I hesitate to talk about ____ in general” = “I just made a general statement that is in no way the case generally, but I’d really like you to get that impression without wanting to fact check me, so let’s just agree that this thing we’re talking about is generally the case without any sore of substantiation, OK?”

Sure, he took it all the way to Mordor. But, he bitched constantly the whole way there...

She’s a perfectly OK folk singer who would probably be playing third-rate county fairs if she wasn’t an otherwise talented actor, or if fake eyelashes had never been invented.

Ah, but his consigliere, Regnirts Lleb, ran afoul of Smartest Guy in The Galaxy/Disgraced Stormtrooper Ymmij Ytluncm, who was able to use political connections on the notoriously corrupt planet of Eromit-lab (a rock whose residents shorten it’s name to Rem-lab) to get a special unit of third-rate hack stormtroopers…

I don’t remember that one, but since we’re on the topic my favorite memory of the old AV Club was the thread where someone shared an apocryphal story about Sean Young shitting in showers and then “heeling it down the drain”, which is still a story that I think about when I need a quick laugh/pick-me-up.