It's symbolic, Moltar. Things don't always have to do things. Now, help me plug it into the wall.

"Warren".

Do you use the ointment?

Here's hoping whatever comes after this world is able to fulfill all of his…

Cleveland back to one throwgasm this week, right where they belong. The Factory of Sadness is back in business, people!

All is lost and sucks ass.

It would only have been three games if you hit the Shield.

Guess we won’t be seeing Matt Lauer at any games this year.

You know how I know it’s Week 1? The Browns game gets two Throwgasms.

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANOTHER TRUMP DAUGHTER!

Y’know, if you take her 8x10 publicity photo into a Starbucks with you, they’ll give it a free tall Pumpkin Spice Whatever.

You must be made of stronger stuff than I. 30 seconds in and I’m already loading up Amazon in the next tab, desperately searching for a drill powerful enough to put a few holes in my skull.

Well, if you look up “Basic” in the dictionary, it’s just a full page photo of her face with “THIS FUCKING BITCH” at the bottom in 72pt Impact.

And she delivers it so cromulently.

Is it possible that Donald Trump is the real life personification of Stinky Cheese Man?

And looking so goddamn fabulous in the process.

SPACE PANTS!

Does this mean the AV Club's commenting system will switch from Disqus to Kinja?

Geez, you spambots aren't even trying anymore, are you?

Fuck you, Magary. Rye is a Top Five sandwich bread and you know it. To put the split-top hot dog bun above it is a disgrace.