Part of the reason it's still around is that NBC keeps hacking my account to add SVU promotional material to all of my comments.

Patton Oswalt is a WIZARD! YOU WILL ALL DIE!

When…you want…the flavor of bacon in a dip.

So you're the bastard who tied up the printer that day!

Shemp.

If there's any money left over, will it be donated to HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT?

Chicks and geese and ducks better scurry…

Sadly, no. Turns out they weren't quite ready to go.

Supercollider? I hardly know her.

They were fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.

You see, kids? This is why you’re not allowed to throw the ball in the house. Unless you’re pulling down huge bank based on your ‘roid-enhanced numbers and can afford to replace what you break.

I WISH! A national platform to write a bunch of crazy shit? Who wouldn't turn down that level of exposure and cash!?

The Radical Right Wing in the United Sates won't be happy until everybody is anally converted to Christianity by a magical Jesus penis.

Sorny sucks. Magnetbox is the better deal.

That's like saying dying from AIDS is better than dying from fast-acting Super AIDS.

I say that if it's wrong to plunge my dick into a Muppet's ass, then I'm a porn star on the wrong set.

Following that statement, Kim Davis moved to California to deny marriage licenses to the Muppets.

YEAAAAAAH!

That’s it; it’s over. Not gonna get any better than this. Don’t even bother with signs the rest of the season.

I AM BIZARRO STORMY.