While that’s egregious and should be addressed, the reality is that the problem isn’t- nor has it really ever been- municipal water usage. Sure, we all need to and should cut down, but every lawn in the state could turn brown and blow away and it wouldn’t even make a dent in our water problems. It is a fantastic…

Meanwhile, big Ag is Mr. Burnsing their fingers right now, knowing that they are the real problem but that they’ve managed to turn the idiotic public against each other.

It’s a sign of progress (it only took 2500 years for it to occur in limited spots on Earth with a small subset of the population!) that what was once extremely commonplace manages to shock.

“Hey, letth potht the pitther of that guyth yard on Twitter!!” lisped the busybody through mouthfuls of unseasonal, hyperirrigated California strawberries.

Oh great. Now we’re going to get the East Coast-West Coast water management beefin’.

This happened to my family when I was growing up. A neighbor’s yard sloped towards ours and excess water ran into the street. All we had to do was call the city when it was happening again, they came to investigate and cancelled the ticket. It wasn't a Cold War paranoia event.

She can’t really trust people anymore because there’s a drought on and people are being a bit wiggy about it? Special snowflake indeed.

And at 32 his career is former banker so unemployed? One thing I know is that he is not smarter than the mother of his child because she got rid of him.

Lol if you’re so intelligent then why are you so damn oblivious to how douchey you come across? I mean, it’s not like you volunteered to be on a show where your success is tied to your likability

Damnit, just when I had managed to break free of the Bachelorette cycle. You watch ONE episode because Amy Schumer is on it, then you become invested in some of the contestants. Next thing you know, you’re not only watching the rest of THIS season, but you care about who becomes the Bachelor next season. I will not be…

I once tried to buy a service man a drink at an airport. He was in uniform, drinking, and it was maybe 9am? I wasn’t judging, I was going to drink too! (Drinking at airports = different rules.) The guy ended up buying my drinks and left a super generous tip. AND my flight was mostly empty (this was a million years…

I have a 1-year-old who shits when and wherever he sees fit. But like hell we change him when and wherever we want. Christ. We carry him out to the car if we need to, or, you know, take him to places appropriate for a toddler. I’d lose my freaking mind if I saw a parent changing their kid in the middle of a…

Exactly. I shoved the memories and the feelings so far down that it didn’t spill over until my late 20’s, when I lost it completely and spent every night sweating and crying and begging my husband to guard the door so no one could get in my room. (He did. He stood at the door until I fell asleep for two years, and…

I was smoking a joint with Jesus just last night & he told me he can't stand these people. They keep calling him, be has no idea where they got his number.

If they weren’t white Michelle would be derided by Huckabee and the like as a welfare queen.

I worked as an escort for 3 years & while I'm nowhere near this woman's number, I've been with at least several hundred dudes. Best sex I ever had? Narcissistic personality disorder, you totally called it. I actually still fuck that guy sometimes because my God, it's like crack. Just new levels of inventiveness. (He…

furthermore, if the average volume of ejaculate is typically between 2.5 and 5 ml, we're looking at a cumulative ten+ gallons of cum. Ewwww.

DUDE. If you were banging 10,000 men you would be in the perfect position to collect information for studies. A lot of sex studies are self-reported and therefore inaccurate. We could finally answer questions like: Is there a connection between penis size and what kind of car you drive? Which political party is the…

4,593 Feet Of Penis would have been a way better title.

Assuming an average penis length of 5.5 inches (the first number I found (I'm not going to try that hard)) that is .87 miles of penis. She would need 1500 more men for a mile of dong.