indianabeachcrow
IndianaBeachCrow
indianabeachcrow

"This is Michael Patrick King's first draft of the Sex and the City movie. It's 700 pages. [clears throat]
'You guys know that young firefighter I did last night? Well, his hose spattered all over my European mosaic floor and I slipped in it, but it's okay, girls, because I landed square on the rabbit and found out,

Where do you think I bought the pigeons in the first place?

This is why I use homing pigeons and a heliograph to do all my harassing of celebrities.

Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

The AV Club

AV Club readers, you've just been Dadded!

"Holmes, who on his podcast You Made It Weird has credited comedian John Mulaney with helping him weather a divorce."

It's not nearly as bad as you make it out to be, yet no where near as good as MST3K. Eat my photons, small head!

Buzzfeed ≠ Media Outlet

[Buzzfeed loses reason for existence once Millenials discover Nicktoons aren't that great]

Me, quit trolling? ['Turn, Turn Turn' begins to play] Were they serious? I didn't realize it at the time, but a little bit of my childhood had slipped away… forever.

[Sees Justin Timberlake circa 1999] Anna, I don't want you in a movie with something that has such bizarre hair.

You didn't think the Soviets were launching all those dogs into space just for fun, did you?

"And you didn't think you had it in you to be a supervillain. This is the most deliciously evil thing I've ever seen."

*fast-spreading clap*

YOU'LL GET NOTHING, AND LIKE IT!

Comcast already has that one trademarked.

Hulu, I said NO commericals! That's FIVE TWO commericals; can't you count?

You're thinking of a shark, or Bob Dylan.