"Do you expect me to talk?"

You are actually Shia LaBeouf and I claim my five pounds.

Remember James Bond? He's back, in Shrinky-Dink form!

Down with Judge Judy. Begin the reign of The Perdples Court with Judge Perd Hapley!

"C'mon, America, this remake will be fun. You liked Rashomon."

If Chris Pratt really was going to play James Coburn's character in the remake I would be 100% more interested in watching this movie, because it would be awesome to see him play a taciturn, knife-throwing badass

If she's this generation's Linda Ronstadt then who is this generation's Jerry Brown?

Oh, hey Harshmallow.

@Alien Jesus died for some alien's sins, not mine.

"You can't like, own tickets, man."

AWFUL WAFFLE! AWFUL WAFFLE!

I know for a fact that babies taste best.

"The Walking Dead" said no one.

Imaginary or not the hospital still charged him for it.

- Shia LaBoeuf

"It had apparently torn the internet apart in an incredibly bitter civil war."

It looks like a wet St. Bernard coming in through a cat door.

So when you wanna get sick, remember—nothin’ makes yo’ feet stank like Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor Surge! Damn, it’s crizappy!!

Maybe, but I like the winter. It makes the summer all that much more worthwhile when you know it's not going to last forever. Also, some crops absolutely require a hard freeze to grow properly, and those are the ones I happen to know how to grow best. The Great Lakes are also a terrific heat sink, so you get a few…

I never understood the beauty of a dry heat until we had the worst drought in 75 years here, and I walked to work in 110 degree heat with 15% humidity. It almost made the constant nosebleeds from the dryness worth it.