"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

They've replaced the banjo with a jug. I give you Mumford and Sons' Jugalbandi

"Dec. 20—The SSE Hydro—Glasgow, Scotland"

Which is the best kind of accurate.

And her head is all the way up it.

"Sharknado: The Sixth One rolls out, we can dispense with the humans altogether, and just have a bunch of sharks hanging out and gossiping about Tara Reid."

Leslie Knope is the Jimmy Carter to Frank Underwood's Richard Nixon. She's the naive technocrat that becomes President after someone else makes the office seem completely corrupt and untrustworthy.

So when does Leslie Knope show up to destroy Frank with her intimidating tenacity and friendship waffles?

Just like the Cleveland Browns with quarterbacks, the Lee family is sure that 'The forty-second time is the charm'.

Otisburg… Otisburg?

I'm not eating at a place named after a medical condition.

Did they find Dean Cain at the Princeton Club? Because I hear he's always there hoping to get recognized.

"Mr. President, we must not allow a Lithgow gap!"

Dr. Reid: "Well, I'll be. I haven't seen a ward like this since Vietnam."

I understand those words, but that headline makes no sense.

Yes, like your prom dress!

Ummm, ok. [Bites lip, looks at feet, wraps hair around finger]

Drew's picture from his 'hot Marine' days looks more like a guy who's going to try to shoot the President someday: http://upload.wikimedia.org…

The AV Club

Every animal and robot in the universe generates the Delta brain wave, as do certain trees. @itdoesentdoanything:disqus, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves into a working mind.