This Sarah is chalky and unpleasant!

@disqus_ikBMnMU6n8:disqus, you ignorant slut. I agree.

[John of Patmos nods, shrugs shoulders]

"Woody Allen? You know, I like his films except for that nervous fellow that's always in them."

It was frustrating beyond belief to watch them play. It made Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullitt.

Some men just want to watch the world burn. @avclub-2e56fba90bdee58ba3fdff0113a67443:disqus is one of them.

I want my Squirrel Girl movie starring Dreama Walker, and I want it now, Marvel.

"Who let him drink champagne? He cannot metabolize the grapes. Someone call Dr. Spaceman!"

Gasoline has a shelf-life of months at best, so unless you have a way of easily producing more fuel, picking one spot and rooting yourself there before you run out of supplies is really the best way to go.

This is absolutely true. My great-grandparents would come up from Alabama to visit my grandmother every summer because 'It's so much cooler up here in Indiana'. As a native Hoosier it sounds to me like a damned lie until you compare it to the 100% humidity and 100 degree temperatures they were used to.

"If Ol' TGE was the last guy left, he'd do the same, except he wouldn't use it to wipe his mouth."

Being the last man on Earth is the only way I'll ever be able to get my hands on a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle, that's for sure.

Much like the monarch butterfly and its diet of milkweed, Phil's constant consumption of margarita mix and tequila has rendered every part of his body quite toxic to plants and animals.

We've already mastered the use of waterparks and the Internet.

Lexington, KY, as much as it pains me to say it, might be in the sweet spot as far as post-apocalyptic survival areas go. It's temperate, with tolerably cold winters and tolerably hot summers, it has good soil, with abundant water that's limestone filtered, and it has plenty of stores and homes to search for supplies.

The Willamette Valley would be a good choice (I've never seen wheat fields so intensely green colored), but the Cascade volcanoes are literally right next door.

One of my cousins would play Grand Theft Auto by trying to obey every traffic law possible. Some people just aren't meant to enjoy things like complete freedom from parking regulations.

Arizona is just about the worst possible state to pick though, it's incredibly hot and incredibly dry, and was almost completely empty until the invention of air conditioning. People can and have survived winters in the Midwest with nothing more than putting more wood on the fire and sleeping with some extra blankets…

Best use of the gun was Phil trying not once, but twice to use it to open the water valve.

Literally anywhere in the Great Lakes/Midwest region that's not a Superfund site would be better than Tucson. Good soil, abundant rainfall, temperatures that don't absolutely require air conditioning to survive. Tucson has nothing other than lots of places to loot for supplies, then you'll die of dehydration.