I’m not sure a correct take can be considered scorching hot.

Scorching hot take!

So to recap, it sounds like some jamokes put house paint on the field; busted out hair blowers to try and dry paint that was sitting on top of small, rubber, easily meltable pellets; and finally tried to clean up the mess with a toxic and skin-melting chemical that was to be imminently rolled around upon by…

What a bunch of idiots. Everyone knows you can neutralize the caustic effects of paint thinner by covering it with a mixture of gasoline and thumbtacks.

I’m not saying the Mafia is still alive and well in Canton, OH and may have had a hand in the stadium construction and subsequent delays. I’m not saying that. I like my knee caps how they are.

+1 covalent bond

But seriously if they had just issued a press release saying that - oh, I don’t know - the Colts won 23-17, would anyone have known the difference?

Rolling around in toxic chemicals will prepare them for the Olympics.

Imagine if they had used this amazing thing called grass for the field.

What’s high in the middle and round on both ends?

‘When it did not seem to be drying quickly enough, someone apparently made the dubious decision to heat it in an effort to dry it — thus creating a slick, sticky and (in Baker’s words) congealed effect. [They then] applied a substance that appeared to be paint thinner in an effort to remedy the issue.’

Luckily the Lee Greenwood halftime show happened anyway. Faces were melted.

The irony is that the same crew work regularly on Donald Trump’s hair.

Probably the best commercial ever.

Is this what they mean when they say that on field chemistry is so important in the NFL?

This isn’t your ordinary, everyday stupid. This is advanced stupid.

So to recap, it sounds like some jamokes put house paint on the field; busted out hair blowers to try and dry paint that was sitting on top of small, rubber, easily meltable pellets;

Roger Goodell’s NFL, everyone! The Dr. Nick of sports commissioners.

Can we hire this grounds crew for the Pro Bowl?

Great googly moogly.