Oh, sure, I knew him back in college. Used to hang out with Amanda Hugankiss and Heywood Jablomi all the time.

Too busy witch-hunting Planned Parenthood.

Next on “Hot Take,” I mean “First Take”: Stephen A. demands that Kevin Durant meet him in front of the Gold’s Gym in Temecula.

I was just thinking that Stephen A. reminds me of Herbert Kornfeld.

He got the ball, eventually, and his team scored, eventually!

My guess is that the producer didn’t say anything because he was too busy looking at his phone and/or tablet.

Partnering with profoundly crappy pizza is indeed villainous. Not the sort of cartoon supervillainy the NFL likes to indulge in, but I suppose ya gotta keep in practice.

*Adds “be the guy on the field holding the giant flag” to list of broken dreams*

Just like his prepubescent Dominican rent boys.

Yeah, I’m totally sure that happened, just like the monster rally in Peru happened.

It’s just like deficits don’t matter when the president is a Reep, and the worst thing EVAR when s/he isn’t.

If fairness, Ben had a truly awesome fucking time (and an awesome time fucking) throughout the whole begging process.

Oh, we can take care of our own poor. We just won’t.

The worst play in NFL history? As a Seahawks fan, I believe I must disagree.

The Great Inexpensive Wall of America. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Fireworks in an indoor stadium? That’s mighty Great White of them.

Oh, myyyyyyy.

Clearly those pigs were gonna turn out to be Hitler.

Fair enough. But if it had been up to him, there’d be another wall from Central America.

Well, the biggests liars I’ve known in my life have all been oozingly religious. I have also known devout people who are honest, too. But plenty who will pick your pocket and fuck your significant other while professing to be saving your soul.