Agreed. I don’t see why ‘wank’ has to be gender-specific. And everyone knows what it’s referring to.

In fairness, Australia’s team > S. Korea’s, y’know?

I thought Marta played in the ‘07 final. Wasn’t she the one who had the PK blocked?

No more so than you, buttwipe.

Communist or no, she did a solid here.

Exactly. They had to realize they’re not working in a context-free vacuum. They might have pulled it off if they’d called it something like “White bread and mayonnaise night”.

For that matter, can you imagine Mr. Haisley’s write-up if this happened in an MLS match? “Look at that crappy MLS defense, that can’t even stop a keeper from scoring...”

It is twisted and misshapen to reflect the mind behind it, isn’t it?

Now that is just not fair.

Solo’s been doing a good job. If the US run into trouble, it’ll be from the rest of the team not scoring enough.

Really, is there ever a situation that doesn’t call for more empanadas?

And Whoopi “It wasn’t rape rape” Goldberg is still shocking!

Hey, us fat fucks gotta have someone to look up to, too.

Teenagers are horny? Who knew?

What the Colosseum was for the Romans, that’s what reality TV is for us.

In a related development, La’el Collins has been banned from the parking lot of all Lions games.

She plays keeper, so no.

Complete lack of self-awareness is my guess.

I was so hoping we’d have something funnier to talk about that the whole sad, weird Rachel Dolezal story. Thanks, The Donald™!

Eh, at least you went; that’s pretty cool.