I have dated two guys with disabilities before.

UNIX? I had face to face, or over the one phone line in the house - because we didn't have stuff like the internets, multiple phone lines or cell phones.

Since we seem to have all the hispanic jezzies together in one place: naming my daughter Selena, yay or nay?

My high school boyfriend and I met at art camp so you know we were doomed for failure from the start. We endured a nearly two-year LD relationship, and by senior prom, the original magic was wearing off. His altered poet shirts and Jack Sparrow-esque affectations were no longer charming to me. Sharing me with Jesus…

Since my tale of how I flew to Canada to get laid failed to even get me out of the greys last week, I'm going to tell you EXACTLY how my Canadian beau broke up with me when I got there. It's pretty raunchy and I apologize in advance.

Oh boy! Do I have stories! However I doubt there is enough bandwidth to go through them all. There is one where the girl I was dating was a prostitute (I was young enough to think massage therapist actually meant massage therapist) and I ran for the hills when I had to sit with her pimp, drinking tea, whilst she…

Sorry, this is long, there are two break ups and they're not really bonkers or funny, but I just wanted to write them down.

My last boyfriend and I dated unofficially for a year then officially for a year. He dumped me in a text while I was on the Megabus to NYC for a week of job interviews. I had just seen him two days before so this seemed a little fucked up/inappropriate. I cried in Pret A Manger for a couple hours then tried to pull it…

The summer after I graduated high school, I fell head over heels with this dude 8 years older than me who I met through mutual friends in a small city in upstate New York. Everything about this guy was a bit of a flag - he didn't go by his real name, didn't let anyone see his ID or know his birthday, had two (maybe…

I got this.

Things hadn't been going well with Mr. JackAss for a couple months, but I had decided to stick through it during the holidays. Then, one afternoon, he offered to let me drive his Jeep. I shifted over to the driver's seat as he walked around to the other side. I adjusted the seat, and checked the mirrors as…

Well, I fear this might be a bit long winded but here goes nothing. In another lifetime (my early 20's) I had a "throw caution to the wind", overly dramatic, ultra bohemian relationship with a guy who actually left his fiance for me. He was a "playwright", which for the uninitiated ranks below musician, which he also…

I was in what I thought was a pretty great relationship with a cool dude. We lived together, and everything was happy and good. We were in the happy honeymoon phase of the relationship, which is what makes this even more strange. We both worked 9-5 jobs, and one day we were texting each other as usual throughout the…

Before I left for a semester abroad in London, I planned to break up with my boyfriend of six months, Chris. He was a class A asshole— case in point, he had a tattoo of a leprechaun playing the bass guitar with one foot in a pot of golden beers on his upper arm. He was a huge stoner (OK full disclosure...so was I) .…

Ugh I don't have any bonkers ones. But there was this time in college I had been dating a girl for like a week and wasn't feeling it, so I went to her place to break up with her, but before I could break up, she started breaking up with me and I had to defend myself.

Like no no no no wait, I came here to break up…

Okay. So it's funny now, but at the time it was infuriating.

On my 21st birthday, my bff visited me in boston from the west coast. her flight left super early sunday AM. we were pretty drunk on Saturday night when we went and met up with my boyfriend who worked late. The two of them did not get along for whatever reason. but we went back to his house and kind of all dozed off.…

The pathological liar ex (I have posted about him before) and I had a relationship built entirely on dancing, fights and sex. It took me forever to understand that he was cheating on me, and I accepted his increasingly wild stories about his "friend" who was just "really emotionally fragile right now" and who I kept…

Once had a girl in high school breakup with me via Word document saved on my family computer, circa 2002. It was saved in a folder she named "Read after Prom" that she created like 5 minutes before we left for the damn event.

This was not my proudest moment, but when I got dumped by a guy who had sworn eternal love just long enough to hook me and then stomp on my heart, I called a florist, had them cut the heads off a dozen long-stemmed roses and deliver the wrapped-with-a-ribbon box of stems to the asshole during a long business meeting…

One boy broke up with me on a three-way call with his friend (ah, '90s tech). He called a few hours later to see if I'd drive him to a party.