we are now boarding the passengers seated in the no class section of our fight.

funny, I totally read this as Trump averting his eyes to give Tiffany a chance to fuck Ivanka up and prove herself worthy of his love.

What? An early miscarriage is mostly blood and gunk? There’s no perfectly formed miniature baby to put in a super cute miniature casket?

Libertarians sure love to regulate the shit out of everything.

Lethal injection is supposed to look clean and medical-ish so that voters feel good about it. Gas chambers seem less humane even if they aren’t. Plus they make people think of Nazis. It’s all about perception, reality doesn’t really factor in.

Dinosaur Flatulence is my new band name.

he has #SOMERAGRETS does he?

In true, right-wing gaslighting fashion, you should accuse HIM of stealing YOUR name. The fact that he claims to have had it first is PROOF that he altered the date stamps on the posts, after all.

You shoot up one pizza joint because of a rumor, and suddenly your a bad guy.

Natural selection is the biggest cuck going.

He’s interviewing for a cabinet position later today.

Sometimes when I snap at my kids, I’m like “I regret how I handled that.” And that’s pretty much the same as shooting up a pizza joint because you think there are sex slaves in the nonexistent basement.

2016 you really want me to destroy my liver.

Wallet inspector!

Newsflash; people who can’t tell they’ve been conned surprised when it turns out they’ve been conned.

Yea, in true modern head of state fashion, he’s married to a famous singer.

You could pretend to be on a really long ski vacation in Switzerland, but eventually they’d catch on and kick you out for not knowing enough about cheese.

HIS ENTOURAGE IS MADE OF PEOPLE WITH ZERO POLITICAL EXPERIENCE AND A WHITE SUPREMACIST.

[smug atheist laughter] Lol

I mean, its just a nondescript bucket. Its not like it says “STOLEN GOLD LEAF” on the side.