They should do it by lottery. The name of every single state representative and senator, plus the governor and his/her department heads if they backed the measure, who noted in favor of the death penalty goes into the hat. And those motherf***ers fill half of the seats. Personal responsibility! Get some skin in the…

Let’s not forget people who are “just trying to put food on their family.” Because you know the Drumpfenfurer would be thinking about eating KFC of Ivanka’s naked body instead of paying attention during his intelligence briefings if he ever said that.

Ah yes, those halcyon days when all we had to worry about was W bombing the shit out of a third world country and driving the economy off a cliff. Instead of watching Paul Ryan metaphorically (and possibly literally) grind the less fortunate into sausage as Drumpf accidentally launches a nuclear strike while beating…

We’ve got the electrolytes plants crave.

You have wonder if Tom and Nicole plated Rocks Paper Scissors last season and he lost—so she got written out of a (tragically) foundering show and he had to stay for a fourth season. Hopefully she’s keeping a close eye on his agent sp he gets decent gigs once he wins free. Ye gods, I miss Season 1.

Yes, oh so glad we left all that “tyranny”behind us 200+ years ago. It’s working out quite well for us, don’t you think? (No offense to Hamilton, which remains a great piece of theater.)

Sounds like a perfect set up for a Jon Oliver segment.

Season 1 opening animation has a pretty clear “this is what happened when the ice caps melted” satellite view of parts of the East Coast submerging. It happens behind a lot names spooling out during the opening credits and only lasts a couple of seconds so it’s easy to miss.

Kinda like hiring people to pretend to break into your house or rob you at gunpoint on a busy street so you can safely play the “hero”. We all know how well that normally works out.

It’s one stripe for every super model he claims to have to have banged. Duh. Do they not teach you anything about vexillology at your snooty liberal arts college?

I want to see the sales chart of GS cookies and see if this whole Inauguration thing has any impact. How many other things can Trump ruin before he spends one night in the White House?

Is there are merit badge for Avoiding A Groping by an Elected Sexual Predator? 

Exactly, because you’re a Nice Guy (c) and are patiently waiting for the supermodel you deserve to drop from the heavens like size 0 manna. Totally no need to gun down any uppity feminists unless you don’t get what you want.

Sadly looks at watch waiting for the moment when the new admistration and its neo-Nazi enablers decide to Make Capital Punishment Great Again by going all in on the gas chamber thing. The PEOTUS will undoubtedly own stock in whatever company builds them...

Dat iz a guut Aryan name, ja?
< suspicious side eye > Vat sort of name is SchpringSchprung, hmm?

His next tattoo.

Yep, both sides do it. We threaten the very fabric of society with tofurkey and subsidized healthcare. They encourage marginally literate dipshits with assault rifles to shoot up a pizza place. Totally the same.

Warm up the mimeograph machine, Gladys, and spruce up the tinfoil! We got us a new subscriber.

We should set up a version of the Nigerian Prince grift for these folks, only the hook would be it’s an email from Ivanka Trump, who has seen your posts online and knows you can help. She’s trying to move her daddy’s money that liberals/gays/blacks/Hillary/etc. have trapped in blind trust. And she’d include a“never…

I met him on several occassions. Great guy. Smart guy. Got kicked out of Heaven because he didn’t like all the regulations. Started his own place and let me tell you, people, it’s hot. Really the hottest. People are doing all sorts of crazy stuff to get in to that place, it’s so hot.