We have always been at war with Oceana.

(also in bad russian accent) When borscht bad, just add more vodka, make all things good!

The Beets of Despair is too good a name to not use it for something, preferably a goth band.

Same! I’m expecting a Steffon type “this place has everything” situation.

Thank you for allaying my fears. I was deeply concerned about where they might find another bleach blonde, pearl clutching, brain dead, reactionary shriek freak! Phewwwww, that was close.

Never fear! Fox News just selected a new bottle blonde white girl from the vending machine in their lobby.

I would like to know more.

Screaming, “BOOT STRAPS” at new moms? Probably? Shaming them that they shouldn’t have had a baby if she isn’t able to be home.

Jerking off to the thought of denying refugee children entry to America.

I have a severe Steve Glutenburg allergy. It requires me to bring my own toaster.

Or my aunt. The last time we had a family reunion, I kept a running tally of all the celebrity and fictional character names she screwed up - notably, correcting anybody who pronounced them correctly. Over the course of one weekend, we had:

Bullet holes would accomplish the same thing.

All I have to pull from is my goat brethren.

My memoirs will be titled, “Why Did I Read the Comments.”

you JUST told me not to! *hates self*

Just bring water. Jesus will take it from there.

Two drinks of every kind.

Dammit, why isn’t “thou shalt not suffer an idiot to live” more of a thing?

Who here DOESN’T say Merry Christmas while having sex?!