Between these bullshit stories and BCO columns, how do you not have a rage stroke almost daily, Pinkham?

It is like when people are mega rich first and Christians second, or racist and Christian, or ‘I kicked my gay kid out’ and Christian.

You know why female praying mantises eat their mates after they copulate? Because they know that assholes like this exist.

But, sadly, not vegan.

You’re now ahead by 7 points in both Arkansas and Nebraska.

I am running for the Republican nomination for President.

What do you want, regulatory oversight? Why do hate America, you jobkiller.

If nothing else, this piece served as a helpful reminder that Bobby Jindal is still (sort of) in the race. Go ahead and write something similar in a week or two. I’ll forget again by then.

Seriously though, how great is Mel Brooks?

In that way, running for President is to the incredibly wealthy and Republican what running a marathon is to being a childless person in your late twenties: you’re probably not going to win, and you’re pretty sure a Kenyan won the last one.

Twelve Asshats Running

That and “Let me educate you.” Both those phrases basically push the MURDER EVERYONE button in my lizard brain.

“Was that so hard?!”

My first thought was “well at least it wasn’t one of those toxic vaccines!”

If Ben Carson had been there, none of those people would have been harmed, because Ben would have directed the perp to the cashier.

Simple. He would have pointed the Germans in the direction of the Canadians on Juno Beach.

Director: “Bristol, I want you to deliver your lines as a robot would. It needs to be as awkward as delivering an out-of-wedlock baby on stage in the middle of an abstinence rally in which you are the keynote speaker.”

It’s much better than Kim’s Skyrim cosplay at the VMAs