#NotAllSevenYearOlds

“Nice crocodile belt, bro. Louis Vuitton?”

When have we reached Peak Trump? When a nuclear exchange happens because The Donald and Putin got into a Twitter fight about who had the hottest supermodel trophy wife. That’s when we’ll have reach Peak Trump.

I feel like there’s an All Female Bank Robbing Gang/Foxy Boxing opportunity here somewhere. I’m sure an insightful and not-at-all sexist reality show is already in the works...

I believe that’s called the Phyllis Schlafly Effect.

Yes, let’s talk about why I am forced — FORCED — to drive this cheap-ass Porche (looks off camera: “Jose! You missed a spot. I swear to god if you screw up this hand detailing I’m calling La Migra...”) instead of the Masseratti I deserve because of Obama’s job killing regulations!

Those people need to take responsibility for their own drowning lifestyle choices.

You know all the Fox ladies who got away with only sending Ailes nudie pics or masterubating in front of him are mad at her because they’re afraid he’ll start going back through his list and discovery he hasn’t slept with them yet, either. #GeeThanksGretchen

But seriously, you have to respect Carlson’s guts in going on…

Worst. Cuckoo clock. Ever.

I don’t entirely disagree, but most houses have literal drawers full of knives that could easily be used by the suicidally depressed to open a vein and just walking into traffic or off a tall building is always an option. Yet somehow something about the gun, when available, seems to accelerate (I’m sure there is a…

No because the real danger isn’t an unhinged blonde Christian with a gun—the real danger is imaginary illegal Mexicans and ‘thugs’ (stage whisper: “he means Negroes”) who just want to kill our daughters and...um...wait a minute...

She’s probably been to some uppity college, read a whole bunch of non-sense in Cosmo and developed opinions. So, according to Duck Commander and his ilk, she’s unfit for a traditional Christian owner husband.

Agree with other posters, your congregation sounds great and is doing laudable work. What Sam Bee and most of the rest of us are deriding is sanctimonious assholes hiding behind “thoughts & prayers” as a dodge for admitting there’s a problem or taking meaningful action. It’s basically showing up at a traffic accident…

Ugh. Do not like. I guess we’ll have to all keep fingers crossed that karma finds a way. And like other posters have pointed out, the Internet pretty much never forgets so hopefully some aspects of his worthless life will be perpetually circumscribed by his rape conviction.

Legal Jezzies, despite the absurdly light sentence, how long does that conviction stay on his record? He’s not a minor, so permanent, right? IF his family recovers financially he’ll still have absurd advantages going forward but I think that on record conviction pokes a serious and constantly leaking hole in his white…

I’ve been playing video games since Space Invaders came out and have never raped or murdered anyone. I think your point actually circles right back to parenting because just like teaching your kids they won’t fly like Superman if they jump off the roof wearing a bath towel for a cape, drumming into their self-absorbed…

So how common is it for a kid with symptoms/background like this to flip from a history of self harm to murdering someone? Is it really just a matter of one big disappointment? Sounds like he was shifting from internally focused to externally focused with the whole ‘being hit by a bus’ thing, but most of the depressed…

“You, too, can make loads of money by bilking the gullible! Send $500 to find out how!!”

I’m sure he wasn’t thinking clearly, what with having to vote for a bill that would seriously curtail his mail order bride and easy-to-rape housekeeper options/fantasies.

In an existential sense, yes, these guys are always Peter Griffin. Except even though Peter Griffin is entirely fictional, he has some redeeming features and is recognizably human. Double-chinned, Republican misogynists—not so much.