Srsly. Are the going to have start footnoting that? “Does Not Contain 1,000,000 Moms” “One Million Moms” is a copyrighted brand and is not intended to represent a mathmatical number...

I almost had to ask who that was since I’m much more accustomed to hearing her called Caribu Barbie or Quitter Bear. It’s hard for her to get all religious and preachy on the Twitterz, where she normally holds forth on politics like a particularly empty-headed Mean Girl.

And all the Jews then get conveniently blowed up during Armegeddon something something anti-Christ

And let us not overlook him implicitly disparaging the types of sex that good, white, Christian, Republican men only have in shame-soaked dark corners with their interns or hookers.

Even worse than “We’re going to cancel Obamacare so we can go back to the best healthcare system in the world.” Not Haley’s personal statement but her party’s plank. Because expanding healthcare = tyranny, but letting a nutjob with an assault rifle gun down 30+ school kids is just the way we roll.

Except that Eyore is a relatable and kind character, while Jeb! is mostly cranky as only the very wealthy can be cranky about the Republican nomination not being included with his turn-down service. That and getting repeatedly pantsed by a nouveau riche hobgoblin in a bad toupee.

Yoooge, classy carpet bombing. It will be the best, I promise you. Nobody bombs loser religions back to the stone age like America used to — and can again.

Copyright infringement! Isn’t the Jihad Squad a Daesh kid’s show where 10 year old Caliphate soldiers solve mysteries by beheading infidels and ratting out their disloyal parents?

So has Carly always been a compulsive liar, or has running for president just caused her to graduate to full blown information bubble sociopath? I know her personal narrative for her time at, “success” with, and exit from HP is vastly at odds with empirical evidence...

Yeah, cuz we totally could have wrapped up the Iraq war right on Rumsfeld’s schedule had we not been such pussies about civilian casualties and just taught those heathen ingrates to say “acceptible collatoral damage” in Iraqistani or whatever the hell they speak over there.

I think what he really needs is some hand lotion and a box of tissues.

Apparently Jason Whitlock was real mad that some woman made him feel funny in the pants during the National Anthem.
Step up your game, Jason. If Dylan McDermott can cry and masterubate at the same time, you can pull off the old One-handed Constitutional Convention while a black lady in sparkly dress sings something…

We get the Texans to build the wall themselves by saying we’re going to show up at certain sections of the border to have a gay pride parade and give out science books and birth control pills.

Well done, IAMRU2, you’ve just written your first Libertarian porn.

Time for the “Lead Truthets” to reveal this as another false flag operation...and for some Republicans and Captains of Industry to step up and blame Obama.

I believe this is called Money Shot Economics—if you’re in close enough proximity some is bound to splash on you, too!

Once they invent the Selfie Gun, this will never happen again.

Yeah, there’s nothing in for sale at REI that will help you put a high velocity round squarely in the center mass of, and field dress, a jackbooted Federal tyranny officer deer.

ReichsMatch or VolksMatch or something, probably

• Anyplace that ends in “Country Buffet”