I love how she goes for both of the not-my-fault excuses in practically the same breath:
— “Have pity, I can’t read so good.” But, as HarvestMoon points out, you managed to defraud the government for over decade using multiple victims. One assumes there is a good bit of paperwork to be filled out be declared someone’s…

I really expected to see “Delicious Irony Boner” mentioned in a story about badly translated Chinese restaurant menu items, or poorly translated children's Halloween costumes, but this works, too!

I picture one of those bottles jetting around that idiot kid’s kitchen like a rogue compressed air canister in an action movie. And possibly chasing him around the house while Yakety Sax plays.

More like watching the low-budget rip-offs of those movies over and over. I’d say this was shaping up to be the Sharktopus of elections, but that’s an insult to Sharktopus.

Vagina Valance is the name of the hard boiled female private detective in the feminist retro-noir radio serial somebody on Jezebel needs to write.

Oh, come on, if that’s all he thinks women are worried about a “Tele Savalis” wax job and Catholic school uniform are much cheaper than a medical procedure. And would pretty much do it for the type of person who dings a lady for her lady parts not “looking youthful” enough.

OK if the fanatical ladies in CrossFit are any indication, I don’t think your gender or mine wants to come within a country mile of the PussFit acolytes. Leave the hoo-hah aesthetics to Kardashians and porn stars.

Sounds like kind of a shaky argument but when studying abroad in Copenhagen as an undergrad, that was our go-to explanation as to why we had such a hard time pronouncing Danish (i.e., it was the product of filtering perfectly good German through dozens of generations of drunken Vikings.) Written Danish looks an awful…

Pink, if it’s any consolation as a result of being a regular reader of Kitchenette and BCO I go out of my way to treat wait and hostess staff as well as possible. Nothing particularly new for me, growing up my mom treated service industry folks pretty shabbily so I’ve always tipped appropriately and said thank you to…

Sadly, Blonde Dinosaur-ridin’ Jesus is getting all the press in Evangelical circles these days. (Or sometimes Supply Side Jesus or Machine Gun Jesus, depending on what aspect of modern society is “oppressing!!1!” the writer at the moment.)

Texas be like: Add an assault rifle and a 10-gallon hat, son, and you might get a second interview.

Texas be like: Add an assault rifle and a 10-gallon hat, son, and you might get a second interview.

South Carolina be like: Pfft. I do that shit as a warm-up before breakfast. What else you got, amateur?

He’s going to open up a white, Christian version of Cracker Barrel. Deep fried and gravy-covered everything; scripture inlaid on every table top; and no gays, heathens or uppity negroes allowed.

Santorum in running on suppressed sexuality. I don’t know that there has ever been a candidate more obsessed with bestiality and the butseks. Seriously, the dude is either going to rage stroke on TV talking about how the country is going to hell in a handbasket or show up dressed like Dr. Frank N. Furter because he…

I think the only thing scarier than the platforms many of the Republican governors have been running on is the fact that the first 2 candidates to drop out were ones with actual experience running a government. As a Democrat I’m kind of alright with the Republicans nominating an un-electable loony, but on the other…

That is to redress the imbalance of Humours, my good man! It is a procedure that is all natural and 100% gluten free!

Romney be like: “OK, I lost. *sigh* Guess I’ll head on over to [rolls D20] mansion #16 and sleep it off on a mattress made of money.”

So Rubio is taking the “Romney Route” of being the only adult left standing 9 months from now (aside: NINE more months of this shit!? Seriously!?) after the various other shrieking toddlers, poop-flinging nihilists and vanity candidates have flamed out or signed their book deals?

And Lincoln sent troops to occupy Baltimore because a huge amount of the city’s port revenues came from the cotton trade and it was a hot bed of Confederate sympathizers. There was a genuine fear the city would secede and start a domino effect in the rest of Maryland, isolating Washington.