Yeah, I love how “Bible believing Christian” just pretty much means you get to cherry pick passages that provide a fig leaf for your bigotry. Where are impassioned calls to outlaw shellfish, hmm? Why aren’t these sanctimonious marching down to the Gulf states and telling a whole industry it offends their deeply held…

“Who the fuck is Todd Courser?”
— The Lansing Mafia

They forgot:
“...Then Has Sex With Apple Pie”

Oh, toxic-schmoxic, Dr. Buzzkill...

Serious guys, why is there not a special, laxative-infused bottle of chocolate syrup set aside for this tool?

Wait, is FEMA doing gluten free reeducation camps now?

OMFG — you win all the Internets today, Qiless Qi

You know, usually “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little” is a metaphor. But this story actually makes me queasy. I wouldn’t piss on Ted Cruz if he was on fire, but I’m at a loss for words when it comes to the dark (OK, actually incredibly White) underbelly of conservative “christianity” where this seems to be…

Taylor Swift style diss tracks!? Crap, if you get tweens and middle schoolers constantly singing those diss tracks I may have to concede early.
But, yo! Bring it on, MW Shruggy!

You can use it, too! We can have an East Coast—West Coast “beef”, which I’m being told [puts hand on imaginary newscaster ear piece] does not actually involve any cows, but does involve “diss tracks” and poorly aimed automatic weapon fire. It’ll be like the sequel to Malibu’s Most Wanted that everybody wanted. So,…

Shruggy Emoticon is totally my new rap name!

Sorry I’m not more amorous on our honeymoon, dear, but I just can’t get the image of my/your mom blowing the stripper at my bachelorette party out of my head.

Gov. Rick Scott mobilizes Florida National Guard, Annexes Talladega.
RetCons all these stories to begin with the phrase “Florida Man”

And how is Team Santorum not decrying that as witchcraft!? A graven image in your own image and dressed just like you!? Sorry, honey, but daddy is going to have to call for you to be burned at the stake. But luckily you posses the Blood of Senators and your sacrifice will propel daddy’s political career to the heights…

This has all the makings for a redneck version of the “Strongest Castle in the Swamp/Huge Tracts of Land” skit from Monty Python.
Or a really succinct description of Louisiana under Bobby Jindal’s “leadership”: It burnt down, fell over and then sank into the swamp...

Come to Canada - we’ll waffle you up :)

They want you to be Stepford Wives.
Why is this so difficult to figure out?

They will if the bullshit Texas school book standards get adopted. (Spoiler alert: they will totally get adopted throughout the states comprising the former CSA)

Betting pool is open as to what his family name was before he changed it. It probably sounded way too Jew-y.

Was that cop later reprimanded for not buying Yosemite Sam some Burger King? Or is that only protocol for after he’s shot a threshold number of African Americans?