You are only 3/5 correct. ;)

“What we want to do is update how we portray women’s struggles to appeal to a wider audience (*cough*dudes*cough*). So Britain’s most historic women, but with a modern twist. You know, like the Bratz Dolls or Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch movie...”

I am reminded of the idiot lady on YouTube shrieking about what Obama was sneaking into the water because her lawn sprinkler was making rainbows. The failure of large swathes of our population to retain even basic facts from 6th grade science class continues to astound and depress me. I’m half surprised Lake Lady…

Ladies, if your date is perfectly fine with feeding you pancakes prepared on the same surface as grilled snapper, you should be calling a cab on your way “to the Ladies Room” and not looking back.

That does sound good. Unfortunately, “Violet Crumble” also sounds like a character from a Harry Potter or other mildly British-flavored novel and now I’m flashing back to Wednesday Addams asking if the cookies are made out of real Girl Scouts. So basically, we’ve descended to the tween version of Titus Andronicus...

Slap Stephen Colbert’s old star spangled Bald Eagle on the package (I hear he’s looking for work) and I guarantee that one off, curiosity purchases by gun humpers and Tea Party types will make you Scrooge McDuck level wealthy in no time. Mention that Michelle Obama thinks it’s unhealthy in themarketing and you’ve…

Surf Bum Wine Bandit is the best. May he ride his dolly forever, shiny and chrome.

Kitchenette hearby awards your grams a posthumous Queen of Thorns Award.

<CliffClaveVoice>
A little-know fact there, Normie, is that before she decide on “Hole” Courtney Love was going to call her band Box of Cunts.

I’m pretty sure Nazis don’t celebrate Labor Day. ;-)

Mystery Daaaate! Are you ready for your Mystery Date?

Sarah Palin should wave it at them from her front porch.

So neo-Nazi Quinceañera dress?

Plus bills for your mistress’ apartment and jewelry shopping sprees ain't gonna pay themselves. #1%problems

Any book that has a scene where Megyn Kelly is in full dominatrix gear flogging the shit out of Steve Doocey is A-OK in my book.

We could probably side step that particular minefield by saying he dresses like a “flashy riverboat gambler” which evokes roughly the same time period, but avoids direct comparisons with well dressed, slave owning psychopaths.

I’d love for there to be a way to send it to all the idiots who actually have their phones out during the ceremony with a subject line like “Since you’re busy texting here’s a video of what is going on around you right now. You’re welcome. Now you don’t have to take your eyes off your phone for even Five F*cking…

With the gaping hole in programming left by the cancellation of 19 Kids and Counting (*barf*), I think “Monster Truck Weddings” has a real shot at that time slot.

So Guy Fieri is a wedding planner now, too?

Next governor of Wisconsin:
“Why are there all these padlocked freezers in the basement of the Governor’s Mansion??”