So a Republican controlled Congress (read: angry, misinformed, aging white males) is supposed to have a calm and well-informed discussion about lady parts? And responsibly regulating a real health issue?

So are T-65s all retro chic now...like a fixie? Do I need to wax my moustache and wear my little sister’s jeans before I can be seen on one in the newly gentrified, and already horrifically over-price, parts of Mos Eisley?

Oh, come on, it’ll be classic American underdog story. The scrappy, well-oiled mavericks of Magic Mike’s crew who learned their trade by pulling themselves up by their own...um...I’m gonna go with “bootstraps” here. (Please, God, let it be bootstraps.) versus the snooty elitists who went to Stripper School.

And she’s totally not suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, because all good Christians know Stockholm is full of nothing but godless socialists. And those Jezebels on the Swedish Bikini Team.

Farrah will use her new found doctor-person skills to tell you that female osmosises are totally not a myth. Her neighbors totally hate her because she is so loud when she has a female osmosis, you guys.

Maybe she meant doctor in a porn movie? Friends who watch that sort of stuff on the interwebz tell me that it is a thing...

Pilate to Centurion: "You had one job!"

Let us not forget Amanda Hugginkiss and Haywood Jablomy.

What the hell happened, was there a Transporter accident or something? Collin Hanks is a talented actor and stand-up individual who is clearly going to genetically carry on the Hanks tradition of being the Most Likable Guy on the Planet. "Chet" is like the distilled essence of every douchebag thing his father and…

Here's the thing. As science-believing Liberals (or "libtards" or "femi-nazis" or "apostates" or whatever the hell it is we're supposed to be called) we think that the measure of a program like sex education's success would be improving outcomes. Silly us!

Let us not forget a well translated lead-in as well

How are these not on the Drunk J. Crew tumblr yet?

Icy Judgemental Mom's thought bubble would be thing of beauty:

I'm imagining some fiery death trap they sell on the super high-number channels (before HD channel numbering mucked up the metaphor by adding 500 to whatever channel you're currently watching).
Ronco's Spinning Spiral Toast-o-matic.

Psst.

Or philandering politician.

If only. Sadly I think we can plan on numerous interventions by the Phalangie Sisters before those assholes ever reach Near Earth Orbit. Most likely paralleling an uptick in Fleshlight sales as well.

Amazing how much she looks like her dad at the same age. If you look at pictures of young TR (I'm thinking of the ones from when he was in Montana) the resemblance is pretty uncanny.

Did a tiny Mexican army then come out mechanically bayonet him to death? Because that would never get old.